Hello...It's been awhile.....
It's been a long time since I have visited this site...maybe because I thought I didn't need it since its almost 4 years since Chris is gone....maybe because I didn't have the time....maybe....maybe....maybe......I really don't know...but everyday I open my email I see messages that are sent to me in regards to "chats" so today I decided maybe its time to check in again....Chris is gone now almost 4 years and I still miss him. It's only been a very short time that I have taken the pictures down in the house..but they are not far from me...just in a box in my bedroom so that when I need to just take a look and remember they are close at hand...I will never forget the 22 wonderful years we had together...and today I can still see vividually the day he died. I am trying so hard to move forward...and days, weeks and months go well and then something just hits me and it all comes back. I really went back into memories when a year ago my brother who was 57 had a stoke...but thank God he recovered fast. He is a musician and a carpenter and the really only lasting effects he worked thru was the total use of his left hand...I received an email from him today...telling me that he is feeling good and that it has taken him a complete year to recover...he admitted to me that he really pushed himself and maybe he should not have...and now is working full 8 hour days...I have not seen him in almost 2 years but will finally see him in October...he lives in KY and is coming home for my daughter's wedding. I still struggle with emotions and my greatest struggle right now is that I have met a man and am in a relationship....but I still feel in my heart that I am cheating on Chris...I know that he would want me to be happy...but I don't know how to shake this feeling....one wonderful thing about this relationship is that both he and I have lost someone that we loved dearly and can truely understand each others feelings in regards to loss and sorrow......so I guess now I have proved to myself that I really needed to get back to this site sooner than I did...because my brother's stroke really affected me...and then I should have been back here to talk to others about it.....I hope everyone is doing well....God Bless...don't give up and Happy Fall......
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