10 year stroke anniversary
Today has been rough for me. I cried for almost 2 hours today after sleeping until 1:00 this afternoon. I kept reminding myself of all that I have accomplished. I am alive. I can walk. I can run. Im on my way to finally getting my hand back. I finally have my license. I have a car. I went on to graduate a semester early from college with a 4.0 gpa. I have worked for the highest level of government. I don't have seizures anymore. I don't have brain surgeries anymore. I don't get picked on anymore. I accomplished all of my goals in college. I could go on and on. but none of this stuff mattered to me. I don't know if it was pseuodobulbar affect, the mood changing side effects of my seizure meds, or the tiredness and weakness from the seizure med and baclofen, but I just could not make myself happy. I left my room once today to eat a bowl of cereal. I see my neurologist on Friday. He is concerned that my white blood cell count is low. I don't know what that means. I just wish I could be off all of these medicines. I always feel tired. I never feel happy. The other day One of my friends asked me do I take anti-depressants because I never get excited about anything. I found that side effects of the 1000 mg of leviteracetam I take everyday include: mood changes, hostility, suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, and tiredness. I guess the tiredness and weakness from the baclofen does not help my mood. I don't know what to ask my neurologist. I just wish I could be off all of these medications. A day that was supposed to be spent celebrating accomplishments and milestones during the last 10 years of my 2nd chance at life has turned into a day of ungratefulness. I am trying my hardest to be happy but I just feel too tired to do anything and its difficult to make myself happy just laying in my bed in my room. I just pray my 11 year stroke anniversary will be better. If anyone has any advice on questions I should ask my neurologist or suggestions for helping my mood and energy level, I would appreciate it.
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