Ray had the heart monitor on on Monday. I was glad the staff said they could manage it in-house. After all that is why Ray is in the nursing home and not at home - they have NURSES there!

Late Monday afternoon, as the staff was waking him from his nap he had another seizure. Once again they applied oxygen and after a while he came out of it. The charge nurse rang me to tell me it had happened but not to worry as he was fine now.I am hoping the heart monitor picked up the changes in activity and it will help with a diagnosis. If not I am wondering if a sleep study would work? And maybe pick up what happens to his brain as he wakes up? With my luck of course he would wake perfectly, so unlike what he is doing now.

I went in before lunch yesterday and he was fine, just a bit tired. There was a BBQ so lunch was in one of the common rooms. Carers are allowed to eat free on BBQ days, pity I can't eat sausages. I cut Ray's food really fine and he only left a couple of spoonfuls. As he is so slow eating everyone else was eating ice cream and he wanted one! Of course he then started choking again. One of the old ladies said it was my fault as I gave it to him. Not true, one of the kitchen helpers did. Of course I could have objected but the man has to have some treats surely?

I got a phone call from his doctor about 6pm asking if I could please come to the nursing home as he was again in a semi-coma and the doctor feared that this time he might not survive. Of course I left just as I was and got there 20 minutes later but by then the doctor had left. He had left a script for something "to keep him comfortable" I asked that it be used only as a last resort.

At home if Ray seemed extra sleepy and I needed him awake I often tickled his feet, which he hated and always reacted to. So I got his hand lotion, turned back the bed clothes and massaged his feet, putting light pressure under the sole of his right foot. He reacted by trying to pull it back. I saw then that he was returning to consciousness so sat the bed head up so he was in a sitting position and offered him some thickened drink.

After I had got most of the drink into him I went in search of food, his dinner had been thrown away by now of course, and an aide found me some yogurt. When I had given him some of that I put the head of the bed back down and allowed him to go back to sleep.

I do agree with the doctor that these episodes may be doing him harm but am still hoping we will find a solution to the problem.

We discussed some of this in chat today and I told them how Ray used to be hard to rouse from sleep after the 1999 strokes and in summer I used to rub his feet with ice to wake him up. Seems cruel but it worked. I guess that could be called "stimulation"? I know some people respond to smells(aromatherapy)some to sounds, some to touch, some to other forms of stimulation. I sometimes annoy Mum into saying "don't" she still does that if I tickle her neck, even though she never actually speaks now. Daughters (wives) can be so pesky! When Ray did wake up he was still starey and hollow-eyed, not really awake, but ate and drank which I thought was the main thing to stop him from being dehydrated.

When I got back from the nursing home I went over to tell Trevor everything was okay this time. He is still the one most sensitive to his Dad's health issues. He was with us in Queensland when Ray had the first stroke in 1990 so is most aware of what happens after a stroke and how traumatic it is for everyone. He and Edie insisted I had dinner with them and sit for a while. They are good that way. I had food here but it was just nice to eat in company.

I found Lucas' reaction interesting. When I took the phone call he went over and put his arm around Trev saying :"It will be okay Dad, won't it GrannySue?". He was pleased when I came back and said to him that Pa Ray was okay now and would be better after a good night's sleep. In the 18 months we have known him he has got to love us both I think and that is an unexpected blessing.

I didn't sleep much, kept flicking on the light and reading for a while. I am really good at filling my day and keeping the emotions at bay but after mid-night is a different matter.