Dyan:

I think it will help & give some kind of small presentation to his class about how developmentally delayed kids behave, maybe talking with those young kids infront of their teacher might help. I don't have any good idea about explaining to 2 year old what is right behaviour.

Asha

Dyan: the school has to be very careful as to what they say about Cayden and to whom. This is a legal issue, honey, it has nothing to do with Cayden or his classmates.

Back in the Dark Ages when I was growing up-lol-it was OK to say Missy has Down's Syndrome and she is just slow, or Nancy was born too early and that is why she still wets her pants. We were a community. Most Moms stayed home and took care of Missy and Nancy, while their Mom had to work. If a neighbor said to me "jump", I'd better say "how high." Times have changed, now the legal community commands our attention.

When Britt was about 18 months, Bruce and I just felt it was easier to let her do her own thing. Yes, we insisted on polite behavior, good table manners, bath and bed. But with the ADHD and the cocaine damage, it was easier and calmer just to let her flit from task to task. She did not interact with the other kids anyway and the teachers just let her bounce. Keep in mind she was with other 2 year olds.

For Cayden, I might just consider a "stroke" day for the class. Tell the teacher and the principal that this is OK. You want to do it and the families of the classmates are also invited. You might find that you could do a "health awareness" day and have other families join: diabetes, heart. This may be better for Cayden, as he will not feel he is the center of attention.

I will tell you, however, that when Britt had to go to the Nurse for her meds every day, she was very resentful. Why did she have to be different, why was she the "only" one? When we changed up and I went to give her her meds, it was "Why is your Mom here everyday?

Kids are tough. They notice everything and only just want to fade into the crowd. At 12, Cayden will be happy to be an individual, to have his own strengths and interests. Right now, he just wants to be one of the gang. Reinforce that he is doing fine, his work is good. Sometimes he might just need more time and patience. Do not use different, disabled, slow or behind.

When Britt got to Kindergarten, the school assigned a "buddy". She was in first grade and it was part of her community service, so she would meet up with Britt for an hour or so during the day, work on an assignment, walk with her or library. There might be one in Cayden's own class, bit more mature, able to work next to him, make suggestions without too much intervention from the teacher or the aide. The "buddy" will get more out of Cayden than Mom and Dad, because the buddy is a peer.

As far as behavior, Britt was removed from the class when she acted up-mostly she would not stay in her chair, she was given a time out in the hallway and then be allowed to return to class. Lots of the kids were given the time outs for various reasons, so that was not a problem and it gave her time to recenter and calm down, and then return to her work.

Our friend has six "challenged" in her classroom of 10. Two aides. Four autistic, one with Cerebral Palsy and one ADHD. The aides balance the six, with Vicky's curriculum for them and Vicky takes the 4 others, to keep them at level and then adjusts the plans for the other six every two weeks or so. Vicky tells me the six work side by side, but almost no interaction.

Just some thoughts. Good week, Debbie

Debbie,

Thank you so much for the advice and the suggestions. I know Cayden wants nothing to do with his class. He plays by himself tho in the vacinity of the other kids. He does talk to the kids in his play but they dont have to talk back to him. That is all fine with me but the major problem I have with him that we cant seem to get him to understand is he picks on one of his class mates. Its not the type like making fun of him just he annoys him and he knows what buttons to push to make this kid mad. I know that is a 2 yr old problem but I know bullies do that too no matter how old that bully is.

how do we get a 2 yr old to understand that bullying is wrong and it hurts peoples feeling? He doesnt act like he understands.

Dyan

Dyan, you and your husband are all over this. "Bullying is wrong and it hurts people's feelings." You are right on. Part of it for Cayden is, of course, the control. Even a four year old knows when he does not have it.

Maybe turn the tables on Cayden. "Little Johnny is not as strong or lucky as you. Maybe you could help Johnny. Maybe you could be his buddy. Mommy and Daddy want you to share one thing with Johnny today; one picture, one toy". Do it maybe two times a week. "Mommy and Daddy want you to tell Johnny you like him today, he is your friend".

You and Dad fully understand the importance of Cayden's self-esteem. Personally I think you are well on top of the situation and doing the best you can. You have made it a priority.

I will share with you that at one point I understood that Bruce was bullying one of his caregivers. Cathy is wonderful, sensitive, a professional. But Bruce was walking all over her-Bruce is 60, Dyan, not 4. Took us all weeks before this started to resolve. I made Cathy call me when he refused to do his evening wash up, PJs and toileting. I had to drive home from work (only one mile, mind you) but he soon found out that this was not tolerated. I did not show anger or frustration, I just walked in and stated that we were paying Cathy to help him. I stood by while he prepared for bed and hopped in, then went back to work. So you see, just stay on the right track and with rote and routine, it will sink in. You go team! Happy Thanksgiving, Debbie