Sam Doesn't Know What I Am Doing Either
So we started keeping a journal of all of the weird "little things" that keep cropping up, in anticipation for my next visit to the doctor this month. So far, we have 40 individual items that seem to recur on a pretty regular basis.
Little things like not being able to remember what in hte world is going on when I leave one room of teh house and walk into another, not remembering where I have left things like my cell phone, keys, purse, cup, etc., not being able to recognize people whom I have not seen in the last couple of days, being easily distracted and/or confused, losing how to understand letters and numbers after a while (the reason my entries are becoming fewier and farther apart), and a whole lot of other things.
Sam, being a nurse and working with brain/spinal cord injury patients, read everything we had written down and started to make an "educated guess." He says I am showing a lot of the same symptoms that his dementia patients show and he thinks I may be in teh earlier stage of vascular dementia. Well, that isn't out of teh realm of possible. The doctors told me it could happen when I stroked in the first place.
Anyway, all of this is getting written down so that we can talk to the doctor about it next week. I guess I should be upset about it, but upset is not what I feel. I don't feel anything about it, really. I don't know why. Maybe it is because the past year has been one long string of getting used to how things are now and discovering what "normal" is in my world now that the strokes have been diagnosed, so I've sort of become numb to it. I don't kbow. Maybe, like so much of my life now, it just doesn't seem "real" to me (a lot of things have this feeling of not being real in the last year or so), that I have a hard time putting an enotion to it. I don't know. Maybe I'm just at a point where it is easier to accept that this may or may not be something Sam and I will have to deal with than it is to get upset, happy, or any other feeling over it. I don't know.
Sam doesn't know either, so, at least, I'n not alone.
4 Comments
Recommended Comments