How DO You Start Over When You Know You Are Different?
I've been thinking about this a lot the last week or so. For everything but hte paperwork, I'm single again, and 43 is still rather young. My kids are grown and out of the house. So, I'm alone and I really don't want to be. But I know I also havfe all the symptoms of early stage dementia - and a diagnosis to go along with them. So, how does one get back up on the social horse, knowing that?
If I should meet some one and we should decide, eventually, that we are a good match, how do I bring up the fact that the4re are times when I am a little bit crazy? How do I saddle some one with a future of the woman he is with getting lost in her own head and drifting away from reality, let alone the physical changes that come along with this?
Somehow, it doesn't feel fair to whomever he may be. Maybe it would be better to simply get used to being alone and forego personal relationships. But that doesn't seem fair to me. I can't help that I am the way that I am. All I can do is follow my doctor's plan to keep myself as healthy and functional as long as I can, which I'm doing.
It is very confusing and 1 day I feel confident and want to meet new people, then the next day, all of that confidence is nowhere to be found and I am afraid to even go out in public.
I trusted that the man I was married to would always be there for me. He promised he would. But he decided that I am just too much to deal with and left. How can I expect another person to want to jump at the chance to take that spot? I'm not even 100% certain that I would do that, gien similar circumstances. I like to think I would, but if I'm not even sure about myself, how can I be sure of anyone else?
Maybe I'm being quintasentially me and overanalyzing the whole situation. Ugh! Sometimes I wish life was easier to figure out.
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