I need to regroup
I realized that my posts, lately, have all been about the breakup of my marriage, whyich I always thought was sound and happy. I feel as detached from reality over the whole thing as I did when I had my stroke. Right now, it seems to be the one thing I focus on and all of my emotions come pouring out, al at oncce, in different ways, just like they did when I first came home from the hospital. I get get worked up and upset, then I start having all sorts of trouble thinking clearly, speaking, even walking and doing normal things. I'm on the phone to my mother almost every day and she can tell how strung out over the whole thing I have been.
She keeps telling me to relax, let go, stop getting myslef upset, because it is unhealthy and only sets me back in my overall stroke recovery. She's right. I got up in the middle of the night, last night, to go to the bathroom, and didn't know what to do with my right leg. I need to recenter myself.
The question is, how do I do that when every other day or so, Sam calls and manages to push buttons and get me all worked up again? My mother says I should just let the phone go to voicemail when he calls, then "forget" the password to my voice mailbox. Well, I've already forgotten that password, so that part of her plan wouldn't be all that difficult. She figures that if he really gets himself into a snit about not being able to get ahold of me, he will call her and then he will have to deal with her. It will ave me the stress. Thanks Mom!!
Whatever I decide to do, she is right, I need to give myself some peace. Constantly being upset and worked up is not good for me. My sister says I need to make myself a playlist on my ipod that has all the songs that make me feel self empowered and listen to them when I'm feeling upset or pressured or worked up and let go of those feelings. Valid idea. She is going through a divorce right now too and that is part of how she copes. Maybe it's worth a try.
All I know,for sure, is that I need to regain calm and peace.
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