I think this is a hard decision to make. I have been home alone since my husband has been in the nursing home and I hated the loneliness at first, I still do to a certain extent as it is winter here, short, wet, miserable days and long nights. But I can also see the advantgae of being alone, choosing when to eat, what to eat, when to go to bed. Rising I don't have a choice about as I have to spend a lot of time in the nursing home with my husband to look after him as staff have little time for one-on-one care.

I know a lot of families just want their loved ones to get back to normal and when they think that has happened they just go on ignoring anything that doesn't fit that picture. You need to find a group of pleasant acquaintances to share your thoughts with and hoepfully gets some hugs too.

(((hugs))) from Sue.

Hi Pam the good news - you are doing so well everyone has assumed you are all better.... we all wish -huh.... but of course you know how much it takes out of you just to get through to the next day.. You work hard, you support others here on stroke net,you take care of yourself and all that is AMAZING.. as are you, you thoughts of being alone surronded by people mirror my own thoughts this is a lonley life----but you will continue to get better and the feelings of isolation will ease.. i tell you this, as i tell myself-- for us with dans condition he improves and regresses from day to day but i am hoping to build upon the current improvement stage and keep him in forward motion .........you seem to have that forward motion working for you.... even if you have to stop and rest....keep it up and we will try to keep it up to.

Hey Pam,

You know I wish I had the answer you need to hear but I don't! Sue said something that makes sense to me and that is family wants you to get back to normal, and your friends do too! That may be why our friends we thought was so close to us go away before we can get released from the hospital in some cases! Mine did cause I was in the hospital 5 months and I assumed they would come back around to my house to play poker Friday, Saturday, until Sunday mornings but it never happened!

Some of my immediate family came to visit but when I got home no one showed up to visit! so I guess I wasn't the same person to them being in a WC but my wife stayed by my side so that's my real friend! Seems to me with you being mobile, working and in the house things would be much better with immediate family! Unless of course they feel it's time for you to be on your own but for a girl they usually want you to stay home!

The other side of that is as I'm sure you have heard, it's hard for two women to be under the same roof I don't know your family structure but something must be causing the feeling you get now! Moving out is something you got to be absolutely ready to do with all the expenses involved! I have been on my own since I was 17 and that all worked out OK!

That could be part of my problem since I'm married now for the 4th time, I hate to be alone and most people would too but it's great you got a male friend to hug you and I hope he surely cares! Be careful think about it and then decide your next move! It just seems to me staying put may be your best bet what what do I know except you are physically doing much better than I was for my first two years after the stroke!!

Hi Pam,

Although I'm the spouse of a survivor, I think I understand this " I suppose if I had a problem that they could actually see it would be different.". I feel this way regarding my hubby (who also lost his left peripheral vision in both eyes) - he too can do most things for himself, and we are grateful, but there are indeed changes. I use to think it would be so nice if others could acknowledge the changes and the challenges but I'm not so sure anymore. Some folks just don't 'get it'. I hope you have someone with whom you can chat and measure out your options - it's a big decision and only you can make it.

Peace to you.

toni

Pam I am a caregiver to my fiance. He had his stroke in May of this year. Prior to his stroke he was pretty much a loner. Besides me, his daughter, her husband, and my daughter were the only ones he wanted around. He couldn't stand visitors and even though we had been together for almost two years he had yet to meet most of my family including one of my daughters. My son had only met him once breifly and my mom the same. He just met my dad last week and my brother the week prior to that. Now he is wide open to most any family or friend coming to visit as long as they let us know in advance so that he can rest up to enjoy their visit. We talk more now than we did prior to his stroke. Its like his whole attitude about life and family has changed. He even seems hurt by the fact that his so called motorcycle friends have not been to see him ,though prior to his stroke he wanted only to meet them somewhere, ride for the day and then part ways.

I say all that to say this. With all the things that happen to your brain when you have a stroke there are some things that we don't realize because they are so subtle. Such as emotional changes. I think you need more socialising in your life now than prior to your stroke but your family just doesn't know this.

I think you should talk to them. I don't know who all lives in the home with you but if your mother is there I would start with her. If not then start with the one you have the closest relationship with. Tell them how you feel and what you need the family to do to help you through this. Then tell the rest of them as a whole. Make it a family discussion so that all of them can understand and give you their side. They may not realize how they are acting is making you feel this way.

Weigh all the pros and cons. Living alone these days is much more expensive than they were when I was your age. Besides after you talk to them you may not even want to move!

Just my opinion so take it for what its worth but always remember we are here whenever you need us! (((((((((HUG)))))))))!!!! to you, hope our advise helps.

Hi Pam,

I understand where you are coming from. I'm not trying to make excuses for people but its been my experience with my stroke is that people "don't understand". They see us as we were before the stroke. My husband for example had the hardest time understanding why I was bone tired by the time Saturday came around after working all week. He just did not get the fact that it took all the energy I had to during the week to do my job. If my symptoms were more visible on the outside it may make it easier for him to understand. Just the other day he said how he couldn't remember his clock in number at work and something else his mind went blank. He asked me if I knew what he was talking about. Duh! I just looked at him and said Yeh, like the whole last year but add the ability to speak correctly at times, remember simple things ( the blank stare because you can't remember the name of something and your'e looking right at it), or to be able to understand simple directions and do them. Hang in there.

Thanks everyone for the advice. It’s really not that bad living at home. We all get along pretty good for the most part. I just thought my parents (especially my mom) would have been more understanding since she has had a heart attack and 2 strokes, and is doing well now with her only problem being a weird sensation in her right leg. I was looking for more compassion and understanding from them but they think that because I’m younger I should have bounced back by now. But our strokes are both very different and yes being younger has its advantages but I still have my own set of issues to deal with that are very different from my mom. Main one being yes I am young and don’t have any risk factors for a stroke and the cause is still unknown. Unlike my mom who has risk factors and the doctors were able to fix and control her problems somewhat.

When she had her stroke she had balance problems and numbness in her right leg. We all coddled her. Taking turns to stay with her in the hospital and working from home. Checking on her all day and then hiring someone to take care of her while we were at work. She had the luxury of resting 24/7 while we all waited on her hand and foot. And my dad made sure she didn’t lift a finger. I was living on my own at the time but I stopped by regularly to help out.

I guess I’m somewhat jealous that I didn’t get as much attention, actually not even close. And I would have expected them to tell me what to expect, but it wasn’t until I started doing stuff and saying how I felt that they began to clue me in on the ins and outs.

Anyway, kinda wish I was married for someone to look after me. But I do have a few male friends who took up the slack by helping me get myself back to my normal routine and checking on me. So I wasn’t completely alone, just expected more from my family.

And since I don’t complain and show it as much I guess that’s why everyone thinks I’m all better and back to normal. And believe me I’m trying but for now I have to adjust to the new me, with high hopes that the old me will return. Lol So I have been talking more and it has helped, so staying a little longer might be the right choice for now until I’m really ready to move.

Thanks everyone for listening and helping me sort this out.

Hi Pam. At the risk of being over simplistic, it's a good thing that you have your male friend for hug purposes! It does break the ice nicely. I need to spend time with a female friend this weekend. My Mom stroked July 6 and is still in the hospital. Best on the recovery.