Breakdown Time!!
Up at 4am, Mikes nauseated and throwing up. Back to bed @ 5:30, still no sleep. I'm laying there thinking about all he has gone through and all the crap that has happened the past year in my life and it all comes up and out like a flooding river! I am crying uncontrollably! This is something I rarely do, especially where Mike can see me as I do not want to upset him. I don't know where this is coming from. Guess it's just time to let some of it out. I am crying for Mike and all he has lost to this stroke! The things he loves so much and what defines him as the person I fell in love with. His music, his love for cooking, the handyman around the house and the tough and rugged motorcycle rider! The way I could always go to him with my problems and he could tell me what I needed to do to fix them. Now I try not to bother him with my problems, he has enough to deal with without me adding drama. I think about my brother I lost last year to cancer at only 55yrs old, my Mom and Dad well in thier 70's and I can't give them the attention I should. The pain of losing all I worked so hard for 28yrs to own to a sorry a_ _ hole due to a divorce, he never worked yet won all our property in the divorce due to me just wanting to get it over with, because it has been over 2yrs now that we seperated and he wanted alimony, which I refused to agree to!! He needs to take care of himself! I did it for 28yrs not gonna do it anymore!! Oh I get to keep my 401k that I have at the job I just got fired from! Not anywhere near the value of the property he got! He wanted half of that too!
Mike's awake now asking what is the matter. As I try to tell him he starts to worry that I am not happy being with him. He seems to think that I should not have to be here caring for him. He is affraid he is the cause of my misery. No way! Without him I would be a total loss! Thank God he has brought us together!
After talking for over and hour about what is wrong with me I feel so much better now. Once again he has brought me through the rough times and made me realise that I have finally come to the end of the broken road that led me to him, with Gods blessings!
We go back to bed feeling completley drained but knowing we are exactly where we are suppose to be, together!!
Cat
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