Returning to work
I can't believe how tired I am. I feel like I have been transported back 3 years, just a new stressor.
I thought I would blog about deciding to go back to work, as a caregiver. Early on I read most of the threads here, but the one that stuck with me was Fred. Fred's wife took two years to tend to stroke recovery and then went back to work full time. I kind of kept that as a goal for me and just about that time, work called and asked me to return: any hours, any days, paperwork only so I could come and go as I needed to and it was the exact right decision for me.
Couple of months back Administration advised that we would be changing over to a new computer system October 1. I was able to put in extra time to get my files ready to transfer, took on a new Rehab unit (writing the protocols, but I could work on that from home) and most importantly, working closely with Bruce to see how we could fit this in; how long he was comfortable staying alone, what he knew was safe and not. We made a few changes here, so he was more comfortable.
I have been doing split days: 4 hours in the morning (for the training); coming home for a bit, going back to do my job for four hours. The personal grooming stuff Bruce will only do with me now. And that is really an indication as to how far, cognitively, he has come. My caregivers are wonderful, as you all know. Bruce will toilet with them, but since that is it, they take care of the house and laundry, let in workers etc. I could not do this without them.
But most who have to return to work probably can not afford caregivers. I can't imagine how I would cope just Bruce and I. How do you manage with the heavier cleaning: baseboards, windows; the yard is a mess, but Landscaper is going to redo the lawn, so that takes some of the pressure off and he will have to do the Fall clean-up, which I loved doing. At this point I am actually scheduling in the paperwork, so I don't miss deadlines, bounce checks. But there is no time to explore new policies, better income on short term investments. And I have a Financial Advisor - LOL. And certainly, in some cases, the survivor is capable of helping out. I would surely have to put more on Bruce if this were to continue. But Bruce won't be doing windows or baseboards anytime soon.
I know each situation is individual. Bruce is severely disabled. But so is our dear Barry, whose wife had to return to work immediately, no caregivers. Family helps out there and friends visit and take Barry out, but they certainly do not do housework. I am extremely organized at this point and guess I would just have to give up some of the "standards" I have set for our lives-learn to let some things just slide.
I would love if some could post and give us tips as to how to manage all this, but realize most probably have no time to do it. A shower, pjs and off to bed is about all they can handle at the end of the night.
And mostly, it is fitting time in for Bruce. For 3 years, he came first, whatever he needed. And he is adjusting to that not being so anymore. Right or wrong, the standard has been set. Cognitively, he understands and is being really wonderful. Bruce has the patience of a saint and that has returned. But for me, it is a guilt issue. I have the caregivers giving him lunch and nap early, so he can be up and ready for a jaunt when I get home. Totally off his routine-always a concern. But he loves getting out and I try to keep that in mind. Our winter will be upon us way too soon. But I find positives - he is more aware of the continence issues. And for those of you who had to return to work right away, had already set a standard way different from ours. Debbie
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