Friday night time off
Friday nights have always been down times for Bruce and I. Our friends as well. Prestroke, when we would be making plans with friends or family, Friday nights out were very rare. Long weeks, night classes, meetings, child care or activities. Friday nights were the time out, the transition to the weekend. And I was thinking last night, that it is still true now.
I am exhausted and frustrated. Work is horrid. My supervisor is questioning my decision making and my big bosses are thrilled with my progress. I have reached a point - at 60 mind you - where someone is questioning my work ethic. I find this tiring, political and I have my hands full with a new computer system. I got through the week without a blow up - kinda amazing for me.
Thursday night Carl came and I was going to go back to work. He took one look at me and said "MIssy, upstairs to the shower. You are going nowhere tonight." Mary Beth can hear it in my voice, she is coming next weekend.
Today our contractor, Pete, came and replaced the kitchen faucet. Bruce is supposed to do dishes. He could not deal with the old faucet without help. I am out the door early and the caregivers refuse to make him do it. Now I can insist while getting dressed for work. Pete laughed at his running list on the Control Central wall and assured me that he or Paul would get to all of it before winter. None of it is critical, but it is just the little things I can not do. I love both of them, and they are so wonderful in showing me how to do things, but right now, just get it done. Pete does have to do some work on the ramp to make it safer for both Bruce and I.
Bruce is really thriving with the leaving alone. He is so much more aware of the continence issues and we work every day on the toilet transfers. But he does not get out and he will do no personal grooming with the caregivers. I am fitting in showers, jaunts around coming home exhausted. After Pete left this morning, I needed to go to the store. I was hoping it was a quick errand, but Bruce wanted to come. And who can blame him? His days out with me are Saturday, Sunday and Monday.
The weather changes are very hard on him. Bruce's Botox is worn off and he is not scheduled for new injections until the 24th. He is hard and tight. He could not settle during nap, so tonight I medicated him for pain - his back. It is not a narcotic, but I am hoping it can take the edge off. If I have to give him an additional Zanaflex to get him through this, so be it.
Kira is still having some post-op issues. She needs monitoring every day until she sees the Vet on Tuesday.
And part of me feels I have reached acceptance and I don't like it. The tree that had to be taken down in the back exposes our back yard, something that Bruce always prided himself in. We live in an well-populated area, but we had our privacy. That is gone now. And the new faucet is way too big for the sink. It works great for Bruce. There were probably alternatives, There was a time, pre-stroke, when I could consider and evaluate alternatives. Not so now and I am not sure I like that. I understand after talking to Mary Beth tonight that there are now things that I have to just let go. But I am finding that I am not happy with that, personally. But Bruce is thriving and I think I might just have to make the trade off. Debbie
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