cant take anymore
I think I've been having seizures in my sleep. It started like maybe a month or couple weeks ago. I cant remember. I was trying to fall asleep and I remember having a dream but it was like I was in and out of consciousness. I just remember feeling like someone was pushing me into my bed and I was pulling my pillow to keep from falling. This happened again but once again I thought maybe it was just a nightmare or something. Thanksgiving morning it happened again but this time I knew it was a seizure. It felt like someone was pushing my head into the pillow. Luckily I had drank a lot of water so I woke myself up about 4:30 or 5am. My dad asked me if I was okay because he said I had been banging on the wall about a hour ago. I told him I was okay. It was his birthday so I didn't want to worry him. I later discovered I'd bitten my tongue. I was probably banging on the wall for someone to help me because I was trying to wake myself up. These type of seizures have never happened to me before. I don't feel nauseous or dizzy and I never feel like Im having one in the daytime. It is only in my sleep when this has been happening.
I almost had a seizure last Monday when I went to get my suprascalpular injection. Ever since starting back on the baclofen I have been super sleepy all the time. The day I went to get my injection, I'd already fallen asleep twice on the bus and in the waiting room so I probably shouldn't have got pre-medicated. but i tried it anyway. The nurse gave me a shot of benedryl in my arm to "relax me" then left me in the room by myself. I fell asleep but when I opened my eyes to see the nurse had returned I almost had the seizure. I had to snap myself out of the trance, walk down the hall, get on the bed, roll over, and take off my shirt so they could reach my shoulder. Of course I wasnt sleepy anymore. If anything I was more scared a seizure would come. Next time Im just going to get the injection straight. I had to sleep the entire rest of the day and I still felt in a daze the following day.
I just cant take this. Im tired all the time. Im scared to fall asleep. My doctor hasen't even set up OT because my old doctors have not transferred my medical records and I only have 2 more weeks with bioness. I did catch up on the time I skipped and now I am up to 2 90 minute sessions a day. Sometimes I see more movement in my knuckles and my thumb is responding a lot more but I still wish the rep wouldve programmed it to open my hand. It always brings me to tears to try to pry my fingers off the hard plastic when Im done.
Other stuff has happened. My visit home was horrible. I cried everyday. My mom upset me and my dad upset me but I don't feel like going into detail. I've also done so much walking sometimes I don't think I can make it home. Today I almost fell trying to make it back to my neighborhood from the bus stop. The sharp pains going up my leg were too much for me to bare any weight on that left side.
I finally have my own place, license, bioness, I start my new job tomorrow and now I still can't be happy because I got to worry about family, not being able to walk, seizures, and wasted money and time on technology thats not going to work for me. I cant take anymore
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