Tonight we are supposed to get gale force winds so if I am late posting a blog report it might just be that the power is off. Flooding all down the east coast. the result of an ex-tropical cyclone that is still hugging the coastline means many coastal towns in Queensland are flooded and some deaths and people missing. It is now moving slowly down the coast towards us and there should be, by midnight, gusts of up to 140 miles an hour, doesn't that sound like fun? I can't do much here, just pray the roof doesn't come off or the carport blow down.

The block next door is still a problem and more of the bank on my side has eroded. The owner should have built a retaining wall well past my carport but didn't want to yet. If it goes and my carport with it I hope my insurance company is ready to fight the good fight on my behalf. I hate the thought of confrontation but it seems that is the way of the world, no thought of what might happen so no preparations for disaster.

Yesterday I was back in harness at church. I did the three sermon day, 8am service, 9.30am service and 6pm service. It makes for a long day. I do it every three months though our minister would like me to get to once a month when I am up to it. I was very nervous at 8am but the sermon seemed to go okay, they laughed in the right places and looked solemn when they should have. A couple of people came up afterwards and thanked me. The 9.30am service is my home crowd so I wasn't s nervous as I knew they would think kindly of me. I wasn't prepared for my reaction at 6pm when I realised two of the couples had known Ray as a young man. I only just managed to get through that one.

People at church were glad I was back doing what they expect me to do. Our young minister said he knows it will be hard to start off with but he is sure I will get back into the swing of things but to take my time and back off if I need to. I was hoping he would say that as I know some of the "firsts" are going to be difficult, all the firsts when we would have involved Ray, Mother's Day, family birthdays, Father's Day etc. I am prepared to have some emotional ups and downs.

I felt better when I had finished and better still when one of my friends from times past came and said to me: "We all go through it, the clue is to balance out the bad times by looking back to the good times and thanking God for those memories." I guess he is right and that is what I need to do, try and maintain a balanced view of our life.

I still feel pretty lost, I go to do something and think: "No, I do not want to do that, doing that reminds me of when..." so I am still looking at loss. I am honestly trying not to now. I shake myself and say: " that is just plain silly" but that only works part of the time. So my life is still full of "no go" areas.

My family must have all been busy this weekend, my older son away with his kids, poor things they will have to battle their way home for four hours of driving through wind and rain. Trevor is still recovering from his operation and goes off the painkillers tonight as tomorrow he starts back at work, driving his truck to the western suburbs of Sydney and back doing pick-ups and drop-offs on the way. Shirley and Craig are probably getting ready with their Emergency Services Van as the Savation Army are always in the forefront if there is a disaster of any kind. They will be under instruction from Head Office when to expect the call and where they have to go.

I have had too much time on my hands and have been sitting here remembering what I have lost. I need to start a happy thread: "Three good things that happened to me today" so I am reminded that life can still be good. I do have a lunch invitation for Tuesday and if the cyclone has not hit town by then I will go and enjoy myself. There is also a picnic on Thursday with another group I go to but if we have the predicted flooding rains I think that might be called off. Never mind, life will go on anyway.