Heart sobbing crying and wanting to die , while my daughter stood and held some pie..
So I think I am officially broken, since my failure last couple weeks , it caused a snowball effect... Big surprise probably not to people who are not idiots.. I am a idiot.. I tried to ,I've a life that would adapt to the stroke, to live a life around it.... Dan hasent been taking his pills again, started last night. And again this morning.. Not much I can do about it.. Except offer, encourage and conjole, manipulate, cry, beg... I have done it all.. But I foolishly thought taking out his stomach tube was in his best interest.... Now we have to cycle through everything all over again.. So last night I help him back to bed and he breaks down and cries in a way I have never heard anyone cry before,heart wrenching , gut down cry.. He wants to die and will I please just let him...please, please, please let him just die.. Meanwhile my 16 yr old had gotten off of work and had stopped and picked him up a piece of banana cream pie .. The girl walks into Dan holding on to me just crying let me die, just let me die... he finally fell asleep, he refused his meds no big surprise, I tried through out the night to talk and hold onto him but he just pushes away... As much as he can.....push away...this morning he did get up to use the bathroom but no engagement whatsoever ever.. Again refusal of meds..no food or liquid intake... So now to wait for the seizure, and the dehydration to step onto the forefront.... Oh god this life is really starting to suck...no grandchild , no husband but constant worry and heartbreak.....and since I can't stay focused on subjects , I tend to hijack the forums so I will try to just stick with blogging about my pathetic life.... Can't even call my mom, since the stroke took that away to......
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