blog wk 4-8-2013- By golly there is some positive stuff at the bottom, can you believe it?
well i followed that string of blogs as far as it could go.... even i got bored with mousing down to whee i last wrote...LOL so went to the funeral of my girlfriends daughter.... in the end she had cancer that had went undetected ( 29 yrs old) and had lowered her immune system so she was suceptable to pneumonia and the sepsis just overrode her system.... the news brought some relief to her mom... knowing her child would have suffered - this was quick... sad so young... but i am losing my husband one piece at a time so i think it is merciful to go quick... for everyone... this as i blogged earlier was the second person ( young) to die in the past week both of sepsis in one form or another.... today had the day that made him just stay in bed... i dont know why but we here in ND are not seeing spring.. it is cold, windy and overcast... plain out yucky... and i am sure this affects his mood as it does mine... everyday is such a battle as of late.. eat not eat, drink not drink, meds or no meds, bed or get out of bed.... he has been good in terms of eating and drinking and meds as of late.. but i know how fragile his decision making can be.... some say i need to be firm with him, and yes i have been and am when it comes to his safety... but the stroke wins every time... people misestimate his intelligence-- they think he is quiet, ... when in reality that is not the issue...he has his filler answers like -- So-So or OK - how are you? and that usually works for the greeting and so-so works for virtually any question... so sometimes i hear people say -- oh he is just playing you... but i dont think anyone is having a good time least of all dan... they just dont get it -- stroke wins every time.. if i yell at him and i have, it just shuts him down...if i try to explain - calmly he may or may not hear or understand me.. he catches word here and there and phrases... but mostly he is trapped in his own world, where he cant talk and for the most part understand... but every now and then we get a glimmer of the old man... the former Dan... and yes i keep mourning the loss of my husband as he was... and i am trying to adjust to this different dan... i love this different dan, but he is a difficult person to work with... and if i thought at all it was in his best interest i would look into a nursing home placement for him... but its not --- and doing that would ruin me - it ruin who i am and make me a bitter old lady....
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