i dont know what to do-psychiatrist appointment
Thanks for your comments. I commented back on my last entry. Right now I do not know what to do. Yesterday I was about to go to the bank but as soon as I walked into the kitchen (to get to the garage) I felt weird for a quick second. I sat down and focused on my breathing and I felt fine. but I still got my dad to drive me because I was feeling anxiety. This morning I had my appointment with the psychiatrist.
My dad had told me he had to work so I would have to drive myself. I was feeling anxiety so I began texting my cousin about yesterday and how I was scared to drive to the psychiatrist because I was afraid talking about the attacks may trigger one then I wouldnt be able to drive home. As I was texting her, it happened. I felt nauseous, I got hot and sweaty, my heart started beated fast, I felt dizzy like I was going to faint. Then it just stopped. I finished the text as I was still trembling. Luckily my dad did not have to work after all so he took me.
I did not like the meeting with the psychiatrist. I told him about my brain surgeries, stroke, PBA, seizures, my mom being paranoid schizophrenic, and my history of depression and mood changes. I do not think the 30 minutes we talked was enough for him to make a sound decision on what I should do. He pulled out the DSM and I read the description of what happens during a panic attack. I had like everything on the list. I also explained the seizures to him though and how I did not know if they were panic attacks or seizures.
He believes Im having both. He used some big word to describe the reason I would "sleep walk" and be out of it after the seizure. He asked me about Lamictal. He is the 3rd neurologist to recommend lamictal to me. I am just scared to take it since it made me feel like I was trapped in a nightmare when I tried it back in 2011. I know I couldve just had a bad reaction and it may have been temporary. I just never want to feel that feeling again.
So the psychiatrist put me on abilify and told me to take it at night with my clonapin. I immediately was thinking heck no. Abilify is the commercial that everyone jokes about with the long list of horrible side effects. He said the only side effect is restlessness in 1% of cases but if I take it with the clonapin that should counteract it. I still felt uneasy about it and when I came home and researched I found that abilify is an anti-psychotic drug. He did say something about some kind of psychosis I was experiencing with the seizures but I thought he was prescribing the abilify for my mood changes and depression. Im not psychotic.
As I was watching Youtube videos on Abilify, it happened again. At first I felt weird but I tried to ignore it. Then it felt like something was taking over my body. My heart started pounding, my limbs started moving, my eyes got wide, and something made me lay back. I tried to yell for my dad because I was scared I might fall off my bed if I reached for my phone. This one lasted a little bit longer than the one this morning. I really thought I was about to start having a full seizure. I just laid here for a while until my heart beat went back to normal.
Do you guys think I should try the Abilify? Im scared. Do you think I should try the Lamictal again since the keppra is clearly not working? The Lamictal could treat the seizures and help my mood whereas the keppra is contributing to my depression and not stopping the seizures anymore. I just dont know what to do. Tomorrow Im going to the gynecologist to see about birth control again. It seems like the only time Im seizure free is when Im on my period so maybe the pills will help since they trick your body into thinking its that time of month and I stayed seizure free all the years I was on it before. I dont know
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