the idle mind
Thank you guys so much for your comments. I signed my lease today and got my power turned on. The apartment is huge. My last apartments were 650-700 sq ft at the most. This one is 975 sq ft. I wish I could've got excited today but I was so worried about the EEG still. I am so ready to decorate my new place and live my seizure free life! This EEG thing just worries me because Im scared they will take me off my medicine like last time which will mess things up after I've been doing so good. Im also scared because I think I am going to be sleep deprived during the EEG and ever since I started the clonazepam in September, sleep has been my favorite thing to do because I have no more seizures and nightmares and no worries or anxieties while sleep.
I know its all in my head. Earlier I was watching a tv show on my laptop and I felt the slightest weird feeling so I immediately shut my laptop. I tried to call someone on the phone or text someone then I wanted to cry when I couldnt reach anyone at that moment so I went in the kitchen and ate some pizza. It kept my mind occupied and I forgot all about the weird feeling. When I was in college, I knew I was seizure free. I never thought about seizures besides taking keppra everyday. I didnt even know what it felt like to have a seizure. I enjoyed that "weird feeling" I would get back then when doing something exciting or going somewhere different. I stayed busy and anytime I wasnt busy, I enjoyed just relaxing. Now whenever I do something fun, I get scared to feel excited and when I have nothing to do I immediately try to find something to do. Its really hard to explain but I know its anxiety and just the fact that the feeling of having a seizure is so fresh in my mind.
I am thankful I did not have a seizure today and I hope I do not have one tonight or tomorrow before I get to the hospital. I will not be bringing my laptop so I will not be able to update you guys until I get back. I really do hope that the EEG goes well. I also hope that I can get rid of this fear and anxiety. I hate freaking out every time I cant find someone to talk to or having to stop what Im doing and think about something else every time I feel "different". Wish me luck at UNC. I guess I will be back by Tuesday
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