my left side
I don't know what is going on but my left side (my stroke side) is really bothering me. Im trying to write this blog but I cant seem to get comfortable. In the past, my left side never really bothered me and if it did, I would just take the baclofen or do some stretches. Now Im so scared because my left arm feeling weird is my only warning that the seizure is happening. Im constantly moving my left arm now and today my left leg was having crazy spasms just shaking like crazy when I would stand. The back of my thighs aren't sore anymore but my left knee hurts when i walk with my brace and my left ankle hurts when I walk without it. My arm is just sore constantly. I don't know if this is from laying in bed for 5 days during the EEG or from my body going crazy during the seizures. I hope I feel better soon.
I had 2 panic attacks since I been home. Im scared to even talk about them. As Im typing Im laying on my left side because Im scared if I lay on my back, my left side will start jerking. I took my clonazepam so I dont know why I have so much anxiety. It just feels like my left side fell asleep and is waking back up. That tingly feeling reminds me of a seizure and although I know Im not going to have one, I feel like I need to be cautious so I have time to let someone know. It is a sucky feeling. Im just ready to go to sleep.
I cant remember what I wrote in my last blog. My doctor said my dizziness could be coming from my low blood pressure. One night it was only 80 something over 40 something. So I guess those random flashes of dizziness are the blood pressure. I had a panic attack the other day and I walked into the living room yelling for my dad. I just kept telling him I was scared. Then it was over. I had another one the following day. I was laying here trying to focus on tv but something just like took control of me. It felt like I was dreaming. I threw myself on my bed the same way I had thrown myself on the couch in the living room the day before. I yelled for my brother and he stood in my room til I felt normal again. I remember saying "I dont know whats happening."
Im absolutely positively sure Im not going to have a seizure again. I just wish I could convince my body and brain to go back to how it was pre-EEG. I moved my stuff in my apartment today and Im going to get things situated this week. (Pictures coming soon.) Im glad Im 5 minutes away from my bestfriend (my cousin) and my grandma and Im about 10-15 minutes away from my dad. I have a 2 bedroom so I know my dad is going to be staying with me and he wants me to stay home a lot. I just hate this bedroom. I hate laying on this bed looking at these walls. so many bad memories not only of seizures, but of high school, depression, etc. Im looking forward to having my own place again where I can sit up on my couch and watch tv, cook, etc. Im not worried about the seizures anymore so I hope the psychiatrist and therapist can give me some advice for this anxiety/panic and hopefully this soreness/tingliness in my left side will go away with time.
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