A new reality
Five months in and everyone keeps saying "Look how far you've come". Yesterday i walked and talked at the same time! First you learn to stand, then you learn to sit in a wheelchair and do toilet transfers and bed transfers. Next i used a hemi-walker. I walked with a staff and then a cane. All of those with a Gait belt on of course. Safety first. My first fall was smack down on a tlle floor in the bathroom. My wheelchair was on top of me and my husband was laying on top of the wheelchair. I'm not sure how all this happened. I just know i was at the bottom of the heap shaking and screaming, "Get the F@@@ off of me!" That was my first and my worst but not my last. All falls are scary. You are like a turtle on his back. Vulnerable and helpless, your pride shattered. Just when you feel you are improving -- the fall happens.. I always need to recompose and rest afterwards. Maybe take a pill and have some ice cream. The first time i walked unassisted and on an impulse, a feature of riight side brain stroke is impulse decisions, it was about ten feet to my wheelchair. I just thought: i can do this and i did. Angels were helping me. Sometimes you just gotta go for it. I can slowly walk i just can't stop myself from falling. That is the down side. We are not talking "normal" walking.It is total focus and concentration. Any other sensory input and i am a goner. I can get in and out of the car now. Yesterday i changed the toilet paper roll on my own without dropping it and without using my teeth. Yup. A new reality. Have been watching The Roosevelts mini series on tv. Franklin contracts polio at age 39 and .is paralyzed from the chest down. In his search for healing he buys an old mineral hot springs in Georgia. He opens it up to the disabled as a therapy camp. When a patient gets depressed and frustrated he takes them to a mountaintop at sunset that has an amazing view to restore their soul. I keep thinking about that. How we all need beauty in our lives. We all need to balance the bad with the good. Don't let go of the things that make you smile. Embrace them and hug the joy out of them. I can't make the bad things go away but i can increase and double up on all the special good things. Seek pleasure.
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