Ajcee, sorry to hear about all your health issues.  I don't know if another opinion would help but it is a thought.  

My prayers are with you.  

Julie

That was my first thought too, get a second opinion now that you have googled all the facts and know what the specialist is talking about.  I can't see the verdict of "nothing can be done" is a very professional one! is there therapy that can ease the symptoms, is there a procedure that can alleviate ANY of the symptoms and give you some hope that one little increment at a time things will get better?

Ajcee, I wish there was something that would make you life easier, more pleasant more enjoyable.  The world is a wonderful place and yet seems you are living in a dark corner of it right now. Dream dreams my friend and then see how many of them you can make come true.

Sue,

I take offense at your post. Telling a man my age to "dream,dreams," seems inane. Dreams of the past are either realized or left unfulfilled, but to dream at this phase of life when coming to terms with my mortality, dreaming would be delusional.

Evidently, your statement was based on my prior posted poem,which is depressive, but expressive of my mood when written. I,like many stroke survivors, experience depression often, but not to the degree I would imagine, considering 13 years of fruitless attempts with as many neuro- physicians offering no hope for my condition and simultaneously battling cancer and angina.

My cerebellum has suffered a triple whammy; first with a stroke, then an ill advised surgical procedure which all but removed right side balance and now with extreme atrophy, all of which multiplies the initial stroke symptoms. There is no therapy or medication that replaces "dead" tissue.

As for the world being a "wonderful" place, there are pockets of wonder and beauty. But there is much ugliness as nations and religious factions

war with each other, climate conditions and disease bringing destruction, with greed and corruption running rampant.

I worry for our youth as dreams fade for their future..

I dream at night of being myself and walking and then lots of the unresolved stuff with people no longer in my life and other such ugliness so sometimes I wake crying oh now wait then add that the pain killers wear off because I don't have sense enough to set an alarm to wake up to take them-thinking if I am sleeping then who needs em but anyway I don't wake up in a very good mood. As for setting any kinds of goals I don't know what my options are yet and what I will be able to do or not do but right now everything is really hard and I am learning to be disabled which seems like just one limitation after another but it is a real talent to be able to live in the world with them. I guess if Anne Frank can speak to the goodness and beauty in people and the world then I guess who am I to complain because I am not living in a closet with people trying to kill me. Yet it is all relative because in my reality right now this is awfully intolerable at times and all the inspiration in the world doesn't stop any pain for me either physical or otherwise and there is a spiritual energy pain that seeps in my soul from exhaustion of trying to cope which leaves no room for any dreams in the arena of goals or such even looking around me and appreciating that life itself is a beauty to be admired. I need that pain relieved as much as my physical pain and maybe they go together.  Well as Maslow would say first things first when it comes to what I need and where I need to go next. And right now I am thirsty and it will take me a long time to shuffle into the kitchen and grab a sippy cup but it will be worth it only if they put what I like in there otherwise I am going to quench my thirst but I won't enjoy it.  I like the crystal light fruit punch. Anyway life it like that. I want to keep living but I want it to be what I like which come to think of it rarely happens.

well AJ as I get to know you I can just imagine the look on your face taking offense at the very idea that a man of your age would dream so don't take offense when I am surprised that you doubt that you may find some meaning still in life somewhere that may be connected to some dream of the past in some little way. Just some food for thought but hey I think maybe you are getting that look on your face again. So it is time for me to make that long walk into the kitchen.