My Emotions are Just all over the place...
I wish I could just sit down and cry. Maybe a whole river of tears. To wash away the feelings that are roaming around in my head. Feelings of frustration, anger, tired, overwhelmed, etc. At first I was more patient with things. I took most every day in stride, for the most part anyway. I did have very tired days, but lately it seems my days are more full of frustration and anger. I don't want to feel this way!! One of my friends gave me a book of daily devotions and I have been reading it for 5 days. Today I am suppose to get rid of the negative feelings and give them to God. I have been trying to all day!! Some times it works, sometimes it doesn't.
At this very moment I am simply tired. My therapy is work and keep busy while Ray rests and does his daily what ever he is going to do or "not" do. Today we had company and I had to take him out to the shop where he rebuilds cars and the man who was visiting removed the windshield of the truck Ray is restoring. Ray wanted to be out there working, but he cannot and we battle whenever he wants to go to the shop and work. He still can't walk unassisted and I so worry about him falling in the mess out in the shop. Its full of (equipment Ray calls it) I call it CRAP!! But of course I am wrong, it is his"stuff". Anyway going out there always tires me as I have to do all of this stuff he can't do. I become the "man". I don't like being the "man". But I also don't want to upset Ray for fear of another stroke.
Anyway I am learning that in order for me to get rid of, or at least to try to get rid of the feelings is to come here and talk to you. You are my shoulder, my hankie, my leaning post, my place. Here I can shout, crab and just feel! I don't like the way I feel, but I do feel this way.
It is almost 5PM, so hopefully in the next few hours it will be time to sleep and maybe tomorrow I won't feel this bad.
Thanks for listening and thanks for being here for me to "vent"
Hugss, Judy
14 Comments
Recommended Comments