Fun Pushing A Shopping Cart
I stood up and carried my own little purse and I pushed a shopping cart in the store. I seriously looked normal!!! LOL!! I NEVER thought this day would come. Ok so the fluffy slippers ruined the look but they are the only things that soothe my fat feet these days. But there I was and I just couldn't believe it. I kept repeating I am christmas shopping I am christmas shopping like I was in a dream. I was. Of course I can't drive myself there and I was on huge meds for pain but I was doing it! I was so happy if only for a little while. My leg pain got to me finally and my lightheadedness returns when I stand too long and the store gets the vertigo going but none of it is as bad as it used to be. Who says shopping isn't good therapy! So I got the cart and let the adventure begin! I actually knocked over the cart my daughter was pushing! She was looking at something and left the cart in front of me so I was facing it sideways. I decided to back up and yes I did hit the forward and I knocked it right over! There was a crash and me yelling OH NO! Security came and found my daughter picking up the stuff and both of us in hysterical laughter. Nothing was broken not even my pride. So then we continued on. In fact we spent so much time looking at all the stuff that the cart died in an aisle and that was the signal I needed to go home!
I am done with my christmas shopping though and that feels really great but also very sad because I want to go out more and be in the midst of the craziness. But this way I will be sitting with a hot coffee watching the shoppers.
I am trying to not take this pain med but even when I am out enjoying myself and forget about the pills then the pain comes hard. I don't like living like this and I feel like an addict. I can't walk in the pain so my PT said that managing the pain is the first priority. So I keep taking this high dose that works well but I am a zombi. One that can still shop though. I feel normal on the pills now too in a strange sort of way like I am just getting used to this vertigo and fogged existence. So in one way I can get around better now and this is great but I want to get back to work and I can't do that on these pills. I pray that the pain stuff goes away.
Ok enough whine whine. I seriously have some killer sob sessions and my drugged dreams are vivid and disturbing sometimes with people I have lost. Funny how happy holidays brings out the deepest sadness sometimes. So I have to do some serious distractions so I don't go down looneytooney lane and indulge in it any more than necessary and yes I think some is necessary.
So in addition to this I got "saloned" and so I had to take this shorter than I ever have had in my life twenties kinda feel haircut and color out in the real world. I didn't spend all that money to sit on my couch having a pityparty alone. I am making that things to do cheap or free list to go out and enjoy the lights and sounds of the holidays. We go driving and looking at the neighborhood lights so thank you to all neighbors with lots of beautiful lights and neighborhoods who put on a show. I am looking forward to not driving this year (ok that is a lie too but maybe I will enjoy sitting in the back seat and relaxing) and having a travel mug of coffee or cocoa and some popcorn. Ok the popcorn will be a new thing this year I have decided since I will be in the back seat. I need to find kettle corn so I am going to go to farmers markets this month too. I would like to go to the swap meet and walk around. I just want to go out and walk and walk and walk.
I love walking so much. Thank you to everyone who encouraged me that first month or so when I was so scared that I would never balance enough to walk. Here I am walking all over the place now! I just hope that the ability to really walk without assistance will return. My PT asked me what my goal is and I said I want to run a race again. Even if I go to some special olympic thing. I want to put on a bright pretty pair of athletic shoes and run down the lane. I never knew that it could be this hard oh how I took it all for granted. But for now I just gotta train in the grocery aisles LOL!
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