I owe a blog - not just to everyone here- but to myself
I have been petty diligent about blogging until the last few months - life has taken a turn for me… I feel like I am living in a surreal world, - we know I don not have a brain tumor ( MRI done) - we know my blood work is messed up my liver enzymes are up and my kidney function is down… we know my thyroid is "normal". although I have many symptoms of a thyroid storm… I had a ultrasound of my liver done and i am set to have a ct scan of the liver when i get home. I and Dan are in AZ right now - with April, wade and weston… hoping the sun will help and it is… Dan is better, but I for lack of better words have "wrecked myself" - yes many of you have seen this coming… apparently stress is a powerful thing...
I have drank way to much - the sadness has consumed me. and now i am not really capable for a little while to care for dan in a effective fashion…. so we are looking at potential nursing home placement… Dan is a handful, April watched him for one day in AZ and it exhausted her… her and her hubby have no idea how i have been doing it.., Dan demands so much and is so particular and even mean - yes mean… his favorite is to mock anything i am doing, eating dressing, putting on makeup - like a 2 yr old he has found a area that hurts.. and he pokes the bear…. a lot…… and somewhere down the line i have fallen into a pit of dispair and can't let a leg up. so placement ( hopefully temporary) will maybe help with that . I need a soulful rest. The kind you can't get when hit on the head with a urinal to wake up.. or like last night dan had a BM in bed waking me at 1 am ( arghh - i was actually asleep) …. On the subject of sleep- i don't get much 4 hours at one time maybe…
I am doctoring with a homeopathic doc down here- actually 2 . both say stress - stress and more stress…. along with my councilor - yes people i finally had to see on of those…. I am a blubbering mess… i can't see, i feel like I am in a bubble …. I can have a conversation and 5 mins later it is like the conversation was a year ago.. I am breathless, with heart palpitations, i am in hyper vigilant mode all the time as one of the docs said… I am gonna post this before i lose it cause that is the way things go for me...
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