Sarah: I do hear you. Had basically that same discussion with my sister this morning. I have it so much easier than you do, certainly, but just the amount of work it takes for someone to want to go to bed at 6:30pm because he wants to channel surf on the TV. Just so sad. The mantle I do for me and the candles and scenters. Sitting quietly right now, tree lit, candles lit; I have some holiday time for me. A bit of a reminder of Christmas past. And once it is up, I do enjoy it. I light the tree every morning when Bruce gets up - for him and that is probably his biggest enjoyment.

You have to do what is right and comfortable for you. And you took care of those important to you. But you know you could get one of those four inch pots with a decorated tree-table top, but real. And there you go - Merry Christmas.

It is not about the decor or goodies, it is about peace and love. When one feels that, then it is Christmas.

Christmas past, oh I do miss it!  I'm realizing lately how much in denial we can be, without actually knowing it.

I have 16 mini lights that I put on the wall by the sink and a little plaster man taking his dog for a walk that I put near the lights. that and a nice glass of red wine is my celebration.

best wishes to you and gary,

david

I think David's idea of the red wine is a good one Sarah, so put up a few lights and sit back and drink the wine while they blink on and off.  I have only a tree up and have written in 12 cards so far, not much of an effort so will use the excuse "I am a poor widow woman" and see how I go with that.

And I thought I was the only one! I am right there with you lady!

Sarah, I hear you too and I understand your feelings, but I still hope you become afflicted with the Christmas spirit. It just might cheer you up, trite as that sounds. I was pretty much caught in the throes of bah humbug myself when Christmas first began creeping into focus.  As I contemplated the mountain of work looming before me as a man whose wife can no longer take charge of all things Christmas, I wondered whether puttng up a tree was really worth it and whether it made any sense to buy gifts for my kids and grandkids when they all have everything, or darn close. Then, realizing that anticipation is about 90% of pain, about ten days ago I decided to stop dreading and start doing. I got out of bed, came down to my home office and promptly did all of our Christmas shopping in less than 2 hours, totally online. When possible, I had the gifts wrapped by the seller. But I knew I would have to do some wrapping too and that was always Dorothy's thing, not mine. With one of her arms no longer working she just can't do much wrapping nowadays and last Christmas, our first since her stroke, produced gifts that appeared to have been wrapped by drunks in an asylum. Mindful of that, I surfed up some You Tube videos on how to wrap gifts and believe it or not I learned quite a bit. When the gifts began arriving, I started wrapping. This time, they look nice and neat, much to the surprise of most anyone who knows me. I was on a roll by then and set out to get a tree. I drove with Dorothy to a local Christmas tree lot where we bought a big evergreen that, after Dorothy gave it her approval, a couple of guys tied to the top of our SUV. When we got home I realized that the tree was bigger and heavier than I had realized. It was all I could do to get if off of the top of the SUV and stand it up in the garage. I mean, I am in decent shape but I am 70 now. Whew. A few days later my older son and his son came over (they live nearby) and brought our tree into the house, placed it in the stand and stood it up. The next day the limbs had dropped and it was obvious that this was one Big Mama of a tree. The same son and his family arrived that afternoon and decorated the tree, plus the mantle and a couple of other areas of our house, with about a zillion lights and ornaments that we somehow managed to retrieve from the boxes where Dorothy had stored them in her typically, ahem, scattered way akin to squirrels burying acorns. My only contribution to the effort was to open a good bottle of wine for the adults and to serve up some cookies, chips and soft drinks for the kids and to turn on some Christmas music. It was a very festive occasion that Dorothy and I both enjoyed immensely. I emerged from it all cured of my bah humbug affliction and thoroughly infused with the Christmas spirit. It feels good. Much better than before I got my butt in gear and started tackling the things that had to be done rather than wallowing in the dread of doing it. When I come into our family room each morning and flip on the tree lights I can't help but feel good. I also feel as if life isn't so radically changed after all, which is I think good for me and for Dorothy and for the rest of our family. There is a reason why Christmas so captivates folks, despite all the stress and work. It is a celebration not just of the birth of Christ but of the true joys of family life and its many traditions, unconditional love and heartwarming generosity. We may switch to an artificial tree next year (an approach I have always opposed) but we will still celebrate Christmas in a big and brightly lit way. Merry Christmas to you, Sarah, and to everyone else who reads this.

In my opinion I feel many of us survivors whom have seen many Christmases come and go the spirit is just not in many of us especially if no kids are around us or living in the house with us!!

For some people the Christmas spirit is alive and well each year but I just haven't felt that spirit for the last several years now!! My wife has the spirit and that is probably because the works at the bank with other ladies and they discuss Christmas stuff daily...

She has already had the decorations put up outside and the tree in the window with lights and presents wrapped under it!!!

I really don't have the spirit with my recent operation and my healing process where I can't get around very well by myself but  can drive short distances with one hand!!

Sarah :

I so love Ron's response. I am never into doing any work for christmas since its just work for all of us, but his response is right on. sometimes doing those things gets us into happy mood and isn't that what is holiday all about peace & happiness

Asha

Thanks for that Ron, I have tears in my eyes.  My husband perks up so much this time of year, it's better than all the therapy in the world.  He was even singing Christmas carols yesterday, even though he can't talk.  Well worth all the work!

I don't really have a choice in the matter - my kids just turned 6 and 9, so are in the midst of the age where Christmas is the most magical. So we have the tree, the lights, the decorations, etc., but I'm still not even close to being ready for everything. Since my wife isn't able to assist with much, it's meant some even later nights than usual, but I'll get there. Hopefully after I make it to the recess (I work at a university, so get a little over a week off beginning on the 24th), I'll have a little time to relax and enjoy the season. Even now though, I'm definitely enjoying seeing the kids get more and more excited as the holiday approaches, and I'm sure seeing their joy on Christmas morning will be worth all of the effort.  I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday, and that 2015 brings additional healing and peace to survivors and caregivers alike.

Christmas expectations can be overwhelming but the doing can sometimes bring out the inner feelings we hope for.

I was afraid I would not be in the mood for Christmas and indeed I am an emotional mess with intense emotions that no it isn't the same but we are making it happen anyway. The lights cheer me.

Somehow I feel that I am in a Charlie Brown Christmas story.

I opt for gift bags which make wrapping unnecessary and I love them.

I got a fiber optic tree a few years ago and don't have to worry about the hauling of trees anymore.

I wish I could see Ron's tree but I feel like I just did.  We had a Big Mama tree one year and we had to chop some of it off to fit in the house. We had a marvelous time decorating it with every ornament we had. We also had the flu that year but the kids were small so it had to be done. Late that night it fell over. The crash awakened all of us and we ran in and thankfully only a few ornaments broke and we stood it up again.  They always look smaller than they are. The kids talked more about the tree falling than anything else and we had a few jokes about hearing the Christmas tree fall in the living room (not the forest) and all that but it was us being together fixing a catastrophe that was the gel that held us tight. When things go wrong sometimes it makes everything else all right.

I miss those ghosts of Christmas past.

All of this is trimmings anyway and it is about the people around us, family, and anyone we come into contact with that we can chat with and make smile and feel seen.  That is the Christmas Spirit and the gorgeous decorations around us just help remind us of it. It is also time to get out the red nail polish.

I put up my tree early, thank God, or wouldn't be able to do it at all.    We have been sick,, real sick.    We only see our son about once a year, and it's time, we were afraid we'd not get to see him.    We are better, no longer contagious, but... uggghhhh... exhausted and just praying for a little Christmas for us all....   who knows when the last time will be our last time all together.