holding my own
as the title says… I am holding my own, I have not felt "detached" for 2 days…. what a gift… I still feel like i am underwater, but attached to mankind. I know the metaphor is hdd to grasp , but for me it is the description i can give… my eyes and ears still are not right and i still have the jolted feeling ( like I had just touched an electric fence)… but after all the stuff depression has thrown at me, I am still standing. Thank God for medications -- without them i would no longer be here.. life was becoming to hard. But now I feel pretty good… and since I have been numb more or less to pain for the last several months - I am enjoying my back ache.. lol… and my feet hurt to… pain means you are alive… and I had none for so long, that was part of my particular depression numb physically and emotionally. And get this . lol --- My "executive faculties " were greatly affected… ummm - specifically " response inhibition " . Basically you get the truth from me - no filter.. ( verbally) - that is improving as well, but geez never knew there was such a thing… now i do , ………… Depression it is really a fatal disease no matter how one obtains the affliction… mine , as most of you know - i just marched right into it full speed ahead. I had no idea I couldn't do it all…. I could have with a different Dan , but this stroke Dan was a real handful… and it breaks my heart leave him every night at the home, it is how it has to be..well ( SIGH) i am tired fighting with your own brain all day is very tiring… Nancyl
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