My Brother is At Peace
Last Monday my brother passed away. He is no longer in any pain. I was able to see him the Friday before that. He was on a ventilator and his eyes were covered but I was able to tell him I loved him. My mom told me to call his name and I did. He responded to me. She wanted me to do it over and over again but he only responded once. I had to tell her he is not going to keep responding. I played some of his favorite music and stayed with him when they took him off of the ventilator. My parents had left and it was just us. When the ventilator was taken out he did farely well breathing on his own. He did have oxygen to help him. He opened his eyes a little but they weren't focused on anything. If we were to say keep him alive my brother would have been bed bound. Unable to speak. Unable to do anything. As much as it hurt we let Bobby go. He was moved to a special floor once he was stable. Had he kept on living he would have been sent to a hospice facility but Bobby went home. He truly is a free spirit now.
Saturday was his funeral. Some of his classmates could not believe he had died. I still can't believe it. They called him a legend and marveled at how strong he was. My brother played football like my dad. Both have some uncanny strength. No one dared to mess with my brother but he didn't use that to bully or hurt people. He was a gentle giant who had a big heart.
Now that the funeral is over its just me and my parents with a ton of food. I will be home with them for a week,then it's back to DC. I really don't want to go back. I feel so alone there. Things haven't felt the same since my ex left with my boy in April. I don't think I will ever see him again. I just want to lay in my room at my parents home. I can't take any more heartache. I felt as if I was making great progress this year. Now I am thinking about what's next.
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