I am Not a Paid Caregiver
I take care of my stroke survivor husband... been his caregiver since his stroke in 2004. I do not want a job as a caregiver to others. Caregiving is exhausting, but I do it out of commitment and obligation. When I get a break from it and leave him with paid caregivers, I don't want to spend my time taking care of someone else............I need the breaks. That doesn't sink in to an elderly neighbor who knows that I care for my husband, and expects me to help her out since I am a caregiver.
Over the past couple of months, this old gal has been unable to drive because of a crippled up hand from arthritis...she can't grip the steering wheel with both hands, which makes it really unsafe for her to be behind the wheel. One of her sons has been using her car anyhow and running back and forth from his place to work on his truck in her carport. He's there almost every day, but it seems she can't get him to stop and pick up a few groceries for her when she needs something, so she's been asking me if I go to the store to get this or that item as she needs things. I didn't mind doing it a few times, but it was getting to be a habit. A gallon of milk here, a dozen eggs there, a couple small bags of flour for baking, some condensed milk for baking.....it all adds up. I have suggested that she try using one of the grocery shopping services available in our area, but she refuses .....using the excuse she only needs a few items. She could also hire a caregiver for $15/hr. to take her to the store and shop with her, but she doesn't want to pay for that.
I went to the group potluck on Monday night and this neighbor asked me to pick her up. She hadn't been to a potluck and meeting since last January, probably because I have been avoiding her since she expected me to help her with everything. I didn't want to feel like her caregiver when I was paying someone to watch Gary. In December her kids all pitched in and got her a really nice walker with a seat that opens to hold items inside, or use for a tray to set her purse on. I told her as long as she was planning on taking it to the potluck so she could walk up to get her own food, I would pick her up. I still had to help her in and out of the vehicle, and load and unload the walker for her, but I figured she would do okay once we got to the potluck. When they announced that people with special needs should go through the line first, I told her to go ahead and I would wait till they called our table number before I went. She insisted she could not dish up her own food with her curled up hand, and needed me to do that for her. I was both shocked and ticked off at the same time. The whole purpose of leaving Gary home with a caregiver was so that I could go and not have to deal with waiting on him. So I ended up waiting on her instead. By the time I assisted her with filling her dish and getting her back to the table (because she had to stop and talk to everyone along the way), the line was backed up and I waited till most of them had finished before I went up to get my plate - by then everything was cold and well picked over. I didn't really enjoy the evening, and then got upset with myself.
I soooooooo need that vacation in Hawaii......and I'm hoping Sue doesn't need me to dress or feed her......3 weeks and counting.......look out Honolulu!!
Sarah
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