One Day at a Time
It's been a week and a half since I moved to my Dad's. For those not aware, my partner cheated on me and is now seeing a 24 year old employee. I had to go for my own sanity. This has been the hardest thing I have experienced since my stroke and is even harder than my divorce 11 years ago. I truly love Adrian but I do not know him anymore. I must be honest the first two days at my Dad's were awful and I spent my time crying and trying to figure out how to go back and everything be right. I even texted Adrian and told him I missed home.
Last weekend I helped my parents to move my little sister into her new house (her husband and 3 boys all under 6). It is a beautiful house, a log house, and inside is so beautiful. Well instead of taking it all in I cried all weekend! After this sad weekend I started to feel a little better...crying less, thinking about the future, and feeling more comfortable at my Dad's. I think living with my Dad has brought back these feelings of not being able to live on my own. I experienced these early in my life and after my stroke. Losing your independence as an adult is so difficult and can feel so helpless. I still have no vehicle to feel some freedom in but hopefully this week that will change that.
I finally felt in myself that I can do this. Trust me that was not the case a week ago. I felt so out of place. Everything felt so wrong. So I have gone from taking things hour by hour to day by day. I can breathe easier today. I've done my change of address and went through the process of changing my address with SNAP (food stamps) and am doing my best to feel better each day. The decision to leave has been scary...I have no income, no savings, and it feels yucky but I have wonderful family. Just that is irreplaceable and a blessing.
My wonderful sister invited me to her new River House for Memorial Day Weekend. I went Friday evening and just relaxed. The next day we boated even though it was cloudy all day. Can you believe I got a sunburn! Thankfully not bad at all but really unexpected. We had delicious pulled pork BBQ that cooked all day while we were out. It also was my sister's 50th birthday and I was so glad to be there and help celebrate. It was a great weekend. I came back on Sunday and was so glad to see my kitty. My heart has felt some warmth this week. My mom also took me shopping and bought me some new clothes and 2 pairs of yellow box flip flops (they are the best!)...It meant so much to me.
I've decided how I am going to spend this time recovering. I am going to join our local rec club and work on getting healthy, work on my tan, and make my life all about me. That's my secret it gotta be all about me. Time for me to be stingy and not feel guilty. The healing has begun.
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