The glass is 1/2empty
I am tired and cranky due to my work schedule this weekend (I got 4hrs sleep last night) so I apologize for the "Pity, party of 1" tonight. But I gotta say this cuz it's buggin me. Mostly, it's a continuation on Jean's thread, but I knew it was inappropriate to say this there, even though I am sure more people would actually read it there. (1/2 empty glass, today)
I am frustrated that most of my husband's family do not talk to me or ask if I'm home when they call to speak with Patrick. I have an almost 14 year old son, so when the phone rings between noon and 11pm, it's unlikely that I will be able to answer the phone before my son answers it. So when his family calls, and my son answers, they immediately ask to speak to Patrick, bypassing me all together.
I understand that we never really talked on the phone before the stroke. But we DID talk alot before he came home. Now? Nuttin.. with the exception of one member. One of the things that bugs me about this is that I know how Patrick is when you speak to him. For instance, if you ask him "How are you, today?" he will probably answer with a shrug of the shoulder and say 'Ehhh" as if saying, "Been better". This is because he is answering it with the thought of, "I've had a stroke and it sucks." If you ask him to tell you whats wrong, he realizes his response was not exactly accurate and he will backtrack and say, "No, no, no. Fine!" But if you don't question him about it, you may be led to believe otherwise. So I often wonder what they are thinking, do they think he's neglected? Do they think he's depressed? I don't know because they don't ask to speak to me to find out in more literal terms what he's been up to. Sometimes I really just feel like no one cares about me or if I need anything or how I am holding up. "Pity, party of one- your table is ready".
And of course sometimes people call and I have no idea whatsoever. Then he tries to tell me something and I have to spend the next 30 minutes trying to figure out what and who he is talking about. I am still drinking my ovaltine, so MY decoder ring isn't quite here yet.
This brings me to today. I am waiting for the inlaws to arrive because I asked them if they could be here for the next two days to take Patrick to therapy as I have to work, some of which is out of town. They are coming tonight so they will be available first thing tomorrow, but... I have no idea when they are getting into town. I don't know whether to eat dinner without them, wait and go out, I don't know. And I have 4 phone numbers for them programmed in my cell phone (1-work, 1-home, respective cell numbers) GUESS WHAT! They retired in June, moved in June, and with it came new phone carriers so I have 0 numbers for them. I realized this when they were here last week and had to have a sibling call them to tell them we were home, so I know they know I don't have them anymore. Anyway, I am just b*tching. I don't want them to think I don't appreciate all they have done for Patrick and how helpful they have been. I guess my feelings are hurt that I seem to have very few people who make an effort to check on me. And it so happens that today's uncertainty coincides with the existing feelings.
So I am gonna take a nap and say screw everything. I don't care anymore if we eat or don't. Eat a bowl of cereal and like it.
MISS POOPY BRITCHES
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