I have been trying to decide whether or not to blog about this, because I know what I saw can hit close to home with many of our members here. The thing is, it has been like a shadow of sadness on me since it happened Tuesday, and I hope by blogging it, I can let it go.

I realize that I have been putting in more time at work (I just started going back full time) and the extra day of work happenes to have started at the same time school starts (which ALWAYS means we are short staffed for a while because alot of our staff is leaving for school and the kids coming here for school always take a few weeks to settle in before looking for a job), and we have an ALL YOU CAN EAT promotion going, which means everyone and their brother comes in to eat. I was in the home stretch of an 8 day run between days off, so I realize I was overly tired/emotional.

So here's whats on my mind.

Tuesday night I had 2 young men who were dining run up to me in the lobby and tell me an elderly man fell outside, and he had yet to get up. All three of us went outside to help the man and see if he was okay. By the time we reached him, another man (I am asuming the older man's son) was walking him back towards the parking lot. I asked the son if he was alright, if he needed anything, what I could do. The man just wanted to get him to the car and get a napkin so he could blot the man's scrape on his arm. I offered again to get him something, but the man declined and seemed to just want to leave. He also seemed impatient with the elderly man, as the elderly man seemed to be oblivious to what was going on.

I looked at the elderly man, and he had a smile on his face. This was not a happy smile. This was a "I don't know whats going on" smile. His elastic-waisted pants had slipped down some, and his "Depends" (for lack of the technical term due to exhaustion) was showing. I could see the he was bleeding a bit on his arm.

And he was not aware of any of this.

I walked away, feeling very saddened. As I was heading back, I scouted the ground and sidewalk to see if their were any tripping hazzards that might have caused the fall. I found nothing, but as I was looking, I saw two drops of blood on the sidewalk. This was all I needed to get the tears welling up in my eyes. I went immediately into the bathroom and tried to gather myself. Work did not have time for me to have a breakdown, so I kept pushing it back down, knowing anything as simple as a Hallmark commercial would send me over the edge.

I found the two men in the dining room and thanked them for jumping up and helping this man, and I gave them each a gift certificate for a free appetizer or dessert.

I don't know why this hit me SO HARD. I have delt with elerly accidents before, but for whatever reason, this one was different. The look in his eyes. The image of him falling plays like a tape recording in my mind that I can't turn off, and I didn't even actually SEE it happen. It's just what my mind IMAGINES happened. I almost wish I HAD seen it, because I wonder if what I imagine is worse.

I think about all our members here being a caregiver to their parents, and seeing the once strong person that they loved their whole life being taken "away" in such a cruel way. I think all of us on this site have experienced at least a bit of this- having something taken away- be it regarding a parent or not.

Thanks and thoughts to all you caregivers for the love and support you give, and to the survivors who never give up.

Kristen