More than pounds on my mind
As I mentioned before, my weight gain is always heavy on my mind. But I have other
weighty issues to deal with also ... starting with a visit from my sister this week.
She will be flying in from New Hampshire on February 2 and leaving on
February 4.
Most people might think, "What's the big deal about spending
3 days (actually closer to 2-1/2) with your sister?". In my family it is a
very big deal. My mother, father, grandparents, aunts and uncles have all passed away.
My sister is my last living relative, besides 2 cousins, my husband and my 2 children.
Although we live just 500 miles apart, we have never made too much of an effort
to stay in touch over the last 30+ years. We are strangers to each other.
My mother-in-law called my sister to notify her about my stroke in September.
She was concerned, called me in the hospital, sent a crossword puzzle book and
some sweatpants, and I heard little more until a couple of weeks ago, when
she called to tell meabout the visit.
I am panicking :yikes: right now. I don't have the energy to entertain her.
We don't even have money to buy groceries for a guest. I always need at least one
nap a day. No one wants to watch me sleep. And my house is so cluttered.
My husband takes care of everything, including the house.Since I can't balance
enough to do any major house cleaning, I will have to bug hubby to get it done.
We don't have a place for her to sleep, so my husband is borrowing a rollaway
bed from a friend and then he will move furnishings to
convert the dining room into a bedroom.
Even though I am the older sister (by one year) with more formal and
informal education, I am and have always been intimidated by her.
She was always the pretty and petite one. And she and her
husband are very rich. I never felt like I measured up to her. And my
father agreed. Dad looked down upon me, because I didn't marry rich - instead
I married for love.
All these insecurities are bombarding me now. And to top it off, I can't even
feed myself without leaving part of my dinner stuck to my PJ's or shirt,
just where I spilled it. I feel so depressed and spend more time crying
than I do communicating.
I know this rambling is overflowing with self-pity, but I am home alone right now
and everything just seems to be coming to the surface. Until next time ...
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