Reality
Talking with hubby today.... in between the kids running around us asking questions usually starting with "Can I....." or "When are we....." "How come..." you get the idea, we were discussing a person we know through a mutual friend. The mutual friend we consider to be part of the family. He was there for us when I had my stroke.... still today, he'll pick me AND the kids up and bring us somewhere if we need it. And we are there for him when he needs it.... he'll come over for coffee just to shoot the sh*t. Any way, this chick we found out is in what is termed a "spin-dry" detox.
It's aptly named cuz you get the "spins" while drying out. As I sat there wondering, and pondering, how someone would willingly ( to some extent it is willingly) make their life what mine was immediately post-stroke is beyond me. I don't care if you are down and out, living in a shelter, if you have kids, you want to remember each and every day you have with them.
I have these periods of time (my initial stroke, and each TIA thereafter), that I have absolutely no memory of. I was trying to make analogies to a drug induced stupor. Dave, (he was an EMT that's where we met ) kept saying you were no where near the level of this or that. Or cokeheads are a$$holes. Well to be quite frank, I was an a$$hole. Not that I remember it, but I was told I was. And being that I have no memory of it, I have to concede.
I missed seeing my 18 month old (Olivia at the time), taking alot of her firsts. How could someone not want to see all of that, AND REMEMBER IT????? I missed Alot of firsts as far as school went with Valerie (1st grade then) and with Bobby (Kindergarten then). I have lost alot of memories. Now I know what alot of people would say to that, and I am extremely grateful to have the memories I do have, and the capability to form new ones.
I know alot of people would say addiction is not a choice, BUT it is a choice the first time you inject or snort etc etc etc. The reason "most" people do it in the first place is to escape. But why would anyone want to escape to a world so similar ( mentally) to post-stroke?
I guess an escape is anything other than what you have. I however, never want to "escape" life again by any means. I like it right where I am.... seeing my kids run,laugh,cry,and grow. Having time, albeit too little at times with Dave, just him and I.
Looking back over this blog, I guess what I am trying to say is.... I not only love life, but I love MY life the way it is, however monotonous and mundane it may feel at times!
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