Faith
Mom went back into the hospital last night. I prayed to God not to take her yesterday. My hero died 4 years ago yesterday. Funny, mom went to the hospital at the same time he died. She doesn't look good. She is in ICU, so we get 20 minutes every two hours. Just long enough to say hello and goodbye. Dad doesn't want to be there very often. He only wants to go 3 times a day. Well, in my opinion that is wrong. I really feel this time she is going to die. She is so swollen that I don't think they can get the fluid off this time. I have found myself praying for the Lord to take her to him. I feel bad about it, but I also don't think it is fair that she keeps suffering. I think four years is more than enough suffering. I know that God has his own plans. I don't go to church, but it isn't because I don't believe. At this point right now, I have no faith in God. I feel that he is uncaring. I know that I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. I am trying to keep the faith. I am so stressed out right now. And it isn't even stress. It is worry and panic. I am yelling at my husband. Hell, is doesn't even care about me or my mom. He cares about himself and only himself. I guess I am just really upset. I am trying not to be, but I can't help it. And really, I have lost the faith.
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