What have I done with God
I don't know if you have heard of the poem Footprints in the Sand. You can read it here..
http://freespace.virgin.net/derek.berger/footprints.html (I found this with a Google search. Don't hold me responsible for other content on the site or found in links )
This is really how I feel. I feel like God supports me and I can't get myself to get back to him. A bit of history of myself. I was raised Catholic. I love my Catholic faith and the Church. Several years ago I was in formation to become a Catholic Deacon. To make a long story short there was a serious illness in my family and the formation team decided I should not continue in formation. That was one of the hardest blows of my life. For the first time in my life I felt at home and at peace where I was. To be told I may have made a mistake hurt me in a way I don't think I have yet overcome. So here come my strokes. I enter into this new and unwanted life at a time when I am distant from God.
My faith was my passion. I studied about it and nurtured it however I could. My wife was very supportive and it is now she that strives to keep me in touch with my faith. I used to pray daily, morning and evening and almost all the time in between. It seemed in some sense my mind was always at prayer.
Now to pray is painful. I feel like I failed and I'm making half hearted attempts to do what I know I should and what I want to do. When I used to pray my mind and my heart and my soul used to open up and be consumed. Now it feels as if I just go through the motions. There is emptiness and loneliness in my prayer.
5 Comments
Recommended Comments