About My Mom,

My Mom had a hemorrhagic stroke when she was 71 years old - July 8, 2004. At the time, I did not know this is what she had, but now I know so much information, and not enough at the same time.

The day before my Mother's stroke, she was out cutting her grass; she has quite a large yard. I noticed a bit of slur in her speech, but thought perhaps it was all due to her being outside all day long. Little did I know... The next morning I called my Mother and I did not get an answer by phone. My sister and I went to her house and it was all locked up with her car in the garage. Something was very wrong.... My sister had already called 911. My Mother was breathing but could not be awakened. An x-ray showed a large bleed. My Mother had a craniatomy for evacuation of the bleed.

Although my Mother woke up that night after the surgery, it was hardly much at all. Mom squeezed my hand when I asked her if she was scared. She didn't open her eyes for it seems like a week or two. The hospital had put a trach in and a feeding tube by this time.

My Mother now, almost two years after, still has a trach and a feeding tube. She does not speak, nor does it appear that she tries. She does speak to me through facial expressions and squeezing the hand and movement of left leg. My Mother tries very hard. It appears that she is still healing, but is very weak. She can shrug her shoulders slightly, wiggle her toes in both feet, move her left leg quite a bit - not enough to put any weight on, move her body very slightly. I know this isn't very much, but it is a whole lot to me. I read others stories and just wish my Mother could do as much. I am very thankful for what she is doing.

I work with my Mother every night I am able to. I exercise her body, give her a wash up, talk to her, watch TV with her. Most recently I purchased brainfingers for my Mom so that she could operate a computer. I have been working with her on this for about three weeks now. My Mom can't move hardly at all. Brainfingers allows her to operate a computer by brain waves. If I get it adjusted well for my Mother, she will possibly be able to write a message. She has not so far. The one thing she does do well with it is play a game called pong. She has won at this game, one time as of today - May 4, 2006.

My Mother did not get good prognosis after her surgery. She went from a hospital to one day in a nursing facility. My Mom left the hospital where she had her craniatomy with a bladder infection. It was so bad that the nursing facility thought she was having seizures and sent her back to the hospital the next morning. After being in that hospital for about a month, my Mother was sent to another nursing facility - it was then, September 2004. The nursing facility refuses to give my Mother any therapy because they say she doesn't show any progress. Fortunately, at the end of last year (2005) I was able to get some therapy for my Mom for about three months. Since, my Mom didn't progress enough, the therapy was stopped.

I have a nursing agency come in the nursing facility to work with my Mother twice a week - CNAs come in and do range of motion for two hours; I work with Mom every day in the evening. I have a full time job.

My Mom can not sit up on her own. I sit her up every night by placing something behind her back. I test her ability to sit by herself, but she is not able to do so yet.

I have used a tilt board with my Mother and have various other equipment I use with her; exerciser, various massagers, biomove. All I believe are very helpful, even though my Mother isn't able to function on her own.

I love my Mom very much. I believe anything is possible as long as she is alive. I will continue to work with her as long as she is alive. She seems to enjoy my being there.

I don't know what my Mom knows. I know that I car very much for her.

I am writing this in hopes that someone might see this and give me a suggestion. My Mom is just so very weak. It seems like she wants to do more, but just doesn't have the strength.

I am a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA), so I am not afraid to try things with my Mom. Sometimes I feel I should have recognized that my Mother was having a stroke, but I can not continually beat myself up about that. I just want the best for her. I know I will continue to try.

I accept that my Mother is severely disabled. I don't believe that means that she has to stop enjoying what life she has. Tomorrow my Mother will turn 73 years old - May 5, 2006. I have scheduled to take her to get a manicure and a pedicure. Mom always did this for herself. Although, I have been doing this for my Mother, I am no professional. It is not easy to transport my Mom. The city has a vehicle for the disabled that will pick them up and take them where they need to go. My Mother has to have an assistant. She has me.

I am very thankful and grateful to God to be able to write this message today. My Mother is still alive. I have strength and knowledge give her assistance.

I know my Mother would not choose to be this way. Who would? We are given life. It is a gift. We accept it when it is good. Do we just turn our backs on it when it is not so good?

If you have read this. I thank you very much for your time. Please leave me any and all suggestions, as I am willing to try anything that may help my Mother, as long as I do no feel it will hurt her. I love my Mother very much. I want her always to know that she always has me.

Until next time! Don't give up on what you believe in and never quit trying!