Day 26...I'm cooked...I'm done...
I am waving the white flag...if she wants it over, I'm done. It's not fair...it's not what she said she wanted when she was at the rehab hospital but obviously what I thought was going on was not what was going on. I am confused and I don't understand...I've tried. I can understand a difference BEFORE a stroke and then AFTER. But this is all AFTER... One day its "I want to be closer to you and I love you" and then it's "I can't deal...I want space". I can understand if it was just a matter of before and after, but when you change your mind post stroke that tells me there is something else going on... And I'm sorry...that DOES feel like a lie to me...Maybe it isn't to her, but it is to me... That was not the Jane of July 16th...that wasn't even the Jane of August 7th after the stroke...but it became the Jane of August 19th... I want to understand...I want to talk to her...I want to support her...I want to do all I can to help her get better, but she doesn't want me to help. And if that's the case, then that's not the partnership I thought we had...because I believe in "in sickness and in health"...I believe you are supposed to run to your partner's side and offer all your support...you are supposed to declare your love and support...you are supposed to be there in thick and in thin...and she just doesn't want that from me...
So I'm done blogging and posting...I'll let people know if/when she calls and the end result. But it hurts too much to read about relationships that still remain strong even after the stroke. I would love that chance but I'm not being given that chance. THAT is what makes the relationship and the last three years a lie to me... When you say you are "FAMILY" you don't run away...when you say you are "PARTNERS" you don't run away... I'M not running, but it feels like she has closed the door and locked it. I can only beat my head against the door and plaster my nose against the glass so many times before you just have to wave the white flag and say enough...
I'm ready if she wants to end it. I don't want to...I want to still try...but I'm ready if that is what she wants.
And I'm very very very sad...I will never be the same...
Thanks everyone!!
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