Some days I just want to give up
I know the title sounds harsh but I feel that way some days. Like today for instance. I was feeling pretty grumpy because I stayed up with Mike watching a movie until around 1:30 in the morning and the kids ended up getting me up at 7:00. So When I got Mike up I probably wasn't the nicest I could be. Basically when I'm feeling like this is when the little things get on my nerves. Like why can he not sit in the chair straight today but normally does. So I'm trying to wash his hair at the kitchen sink and having to remind him over and over to sit up straight so the water doesn't get all over the floor. Well he considers this b****ing as he puts it and so then we get into a fight about whether I have the right to b**** or not. Well I feel that its not b****ing but more like requesting. Our problem is though that these little fights turn into a full blown argument with him cussing at me and calling me every name in the book, he says the most foul things to me he trys to grab at me, he grabs my face and spits in it and its these times that I just feel like I can't take it anymore and that I've made a mistake bringing him home. I have shed more tears over this than anything else that has happened since he's been home and I think even more so than the stroke itself. Unfortunately most of the time my kids are here to witness this and that breaks my heart even more. And today there were people outside and it was a nice day so our windows were open and I'm sure that the whole street could here him. There were two deliverymen next door delivering our neighbors new washer and dryer, I can only imagine what they thought especially if the neighbor didn't tell them that the person who is screaming at the top of his lungs has had a brain injury.
It really just hurts more than anything whether its a brain injured person or not. Its not like he's just screaming, he is hateful and some of the things he says are just disgusting. I don't know maybe when we get him off of the paxil (which didn't help with this or anything else) then maybe he could be put on something different that will help with these outbursts. And its not just me that brings these on sometimes it other people or things and then I just end up in the line of fire. It just so happened that today it was triggered because of my grumpiness but that isn't always the case.
At least he hasn't done this in public.....yet.
Tina
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