mixed messages again
I had two phone calls tonight. To each of the callers I made the statement :"Ray has had five strokes so he needs me to answer for him." In the first instance I got a very terse reply and the caller hung up. As this one was from our life insurance company and was supposed to give me a run-down on options for the cashing in of one of Ray's policies she is going to have me complain to her supervisor tomorrow.
I am sick of explaining that Ray had had five strokes so therefore he can't - understand long sentences, speak on the phone like he used to, consider complicated options, write them a letter giving me permission to talk on his behalf, think fast enough to answer their stupid questions. I want to yell down the phone line: "WHO ARE YOU? ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING? WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT WHAT I AM TELLING YOU?"
The second phone call was from one of those "Free Holiday in our Timeshare Units" people. For $109 you got the right to spend five nights in their accommodation but only one night per unit etc. I tried explaining to the lady that our needs were specific as Ray can't walk far, needs a special shower, cannot eat restaurant food, etc. I don't know why I tried to explain when it would have been easier to simply hang up.
Both these episodes left me shaken. Maybe the effort of keeping life in focus is proving too much again. It sometimes seems so hard to just have to do the simple everyday transactions that keep life going. I wish I was a business woman and had that kind of brain, so I could make complicated financial decisions and come out with the best possible solution, but I can't. And ironically the nice man who used to be our financial advisor and set me up with Ray's annuity etc died earlier this year of a heart attack in his early fifties. Too bad, loss of another good man.
I wonder why I feel so really helpless in the face of so many financial decisions? I am possibly feeling anxious at the moment as the time to put Ray into respite is approaching and I have no real plans as to what I am going to do with the time. I would like to visit my daughter, have a mini break somewhere nice and then spend a few days tidying up the house. I would also like to sleep for a fortnight in a nice room by the side of the ocean on a tropical island in a hugely expensive burro. I think that is what one of those thatched huts are called that you see in places where Madonna or Tom Cruise once used to holiday with their family/significant other. If it is good enough for them, it is good enough for me.
So tomorrow morning I will ring the insurance company, ask to speak to a supervisor, complain about *D* the girl who rang me tonight and ask her is it possible to talk this over with someone face to face, and no, I am not going to pay a large fee to talk it over with a financial advisor, thank you very much. Wish me luck.
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