In Oz we call a guy who keeps saying he will do something and doesn't "Gunna" as a nickname.

A friend passed me a joke recently: "There once were two brothers. The father called them together and asked what plans they had for the future. The older son was quiet for the moment. The younger son said: "Gunna plant wheat in that top paddock Pa." the older brother said: "Dunnit." The younger brother said: "Gunna put an order in for the new tractor Pa." the older brother said:"Dunnit." The younger brother said: "Gunna start a family. The wife and I talked about it last night." The older brother just smiled and smiled."

Today we had a new lawn mowing man come. Our old one had done our lawn for seven years and had to cut back on his business due to family problems. It seems his son-in-law had a gambling addiction and now they are trying to re-mortgage their daughter's home and look after her children for her as she has to work to keep the home. Life is tough sometimes and it has unexpected twists and turns that you never saw coming. Stroke is not the only life changing experience.

We have had another pretty good week. There were some days when Ray seemed slower. I am a bit worried about the dementia as the tablet he has been on may have the same problem as others and only work to its optimum for six months and it is coming up to that time now. I noticed he wanders out to the verandah as soon as he has had breakfast, doesn't go out to the kitchen and do the washing up unless I remind him. He also seem to stare into space more. We don't see the neuro again until December so I might mention it to our local doctor as we have to see him sometime this week.

We had a good weekend. On Saturday night we went to a birthday party. My sister has 19 in her family now counting herself and husband, four children, their spouses and grandchildren. They have a "birthdays of the month" party and the family with three out of the four birthdays, her second son's family hosted this month's party so we were invited too. Trev, our younger son drove us up there, the other son Steve, wife Pamela and two children joined us so there were a heap of cousins and second cousins all enjoying each others' company. Ray and I enjoyed it too. We provided some of the food and four token birthday presents and had a lovely evening. Then on Sunday we had an old friend come for lunch and go home at 8pm after stopping on for dinner. It is rare that happens but it was good.

I met some friends for coffee today while Ray was at Daycare and they spent all the time talking about funerals - aaarrggh! that was the last topic of conversation I would have chosen but then we are all at that age where we are not only burying uncles, aunts, parents and their contemporaries but also the first from our age group as well. The husband of an acquaintance dropped dead outside the Kremlin whilst they were on holidays! Imagine the red tape involved in bringing that body home to be buried. Made an interesting story anyway and one people will remember for a long time.

Mum used to say: "Creaking doors get the most attention" I wonder if our dear ones who we look after get too much attention sometimes. A couple of my friends have recently been away on holidays overseas without their spouses and yet I am getting anxious because I am putting Ray into respite for a couple of weeks so I can straighten out a few problems and get some much needed time off. I think if he was well I would think it quite normal to take time off myself but since he has been ill I have never felt right about doing things on my own. I need to have a look at that attitude and see if I can work out why I feel like that. It isn't the way my friends see it. They think I should take time out for myself, don't see that as selfish or neglective, just normal for this time of our lives.

I will have two weeks off starting on Monday 30th. The first week I will spend with my Sydney family. Then I will come home for a weekend, have a few days of house/spring cleaning and look at some of the things that need doing and hopefully get some quotes. There is painting the end of the house where the paint is cracking, replacing the wardrobes in the bedroom with something more suited to our present needs, maybe even going into the twin beds I have been talking about for so long. Without Ray home I can jump in and out of the car and race around getting this done in half the time. Why do I feel so guilty about it?

Hopefully there will be some changes for the better in our domestic arrangements. Wish me well and if you don't see me online for a while it just means I am busy sorting life out. Soon I may turn some of the items on my "gunna" list into "dunnit".