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Anniversary

Betty Jean

Entry posted by Betty Jean

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Well, today is our 39th anniversary. Such a long time and mostly what I think about is how close I came to not having this anniversary with him. The thing is, it seems like Jim is almost emotionless now. I know that he loves me but sometimes he looks at me like I'm his next door neighbor or something. The stroke must have affected that part of his brain I guess. I don't expect much from him but a gentle touch of his good hand on my face would be nice or an "I Love You" without me saying it first would do wonders. Oh well, I can only hope that with time this too will change. Maybe it's because he has lost so much of himself that he's afraid to give any more away. Or, maybe he doesn't trust me to stay with him now that he is so disabled. Who knows? Psychoanalyzing people was never my high point. I just know that I'm going to do my best to make today a very special day for the two of us because we came very close to not having it.

 

Betty Jean

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l_klakring

Dear Betty Jean--

I understand your sadness. It is so hard. I took care of my parents. They both had dementia but my Mom had Alzheimer's. She just slowly faded away. I tried to prepare myself for it and I knew when the time came for it, I would have to have enough love for both of us.

 

Your husband loves you. He may be in a stage presently where it may not show. But you know in any other situation, he loves you. Maybe take his hand and brush it against your cheek. It will make you feel better and it might make him remember...and maybe he wants to do that, he just needs a little help.

 

I am hoping that your husband keeps progressing so you can get back to touching. Take Care. Happy Anniversary. LK

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HostAsha

hi Betty Jean:

 

Happy anniversary,39 years together wow, so much you guys musthave gone together so many memories, I am sure Jean you know Jim loves you and appreciates you whole lot than he is able to express today, though he is lucky guy who has very lovig wife,

 

My hubby without stroke never says he loves me unprompted, but when time came in my life he proved his metal, so I am today extremely happy and lucky woman, I don't need his external love us, I know from his actions he will b there for me no matter what.

 

Asha

 

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swilkinson

 

 

Betty Jean, Ray and I will be 39 years married this year too. Since his major strokes in 1999 he has been emotionally shut down too and I too miss him saying "I love you" without prompting. I think it is a deficit from the strokes.

 

I take his hand and stroke his face too. I am the one who has the "need" so I have to go through the motions. It is hard for me to see couples waking hand-in-hand or dancing cheek-to-cheek but I am able to do it without crying now unlike the first couple of years after his stroke when I found it so hard.

 

I also think back to the times pre-stroke when he would bring home a bunch of flowers for an anniversary or a present for my birthday. :wub2: Now I buy a small present and say:"Look what you bought me, just what I wanted!" and he grins.

 

We have lost so much but at least we still have them as a companion and have to be content with that.

 

Sue. :chat:

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