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Angry

Al2006

Entry posted by Al2006

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So what about that aneurism?. Well it all started over a year ago. I noticed that my neck was sore and I could feel a bump that pulsed. I go to my family doctor and tell him I think it is my Carotid artery. He feels it too. He sends me for an ultra sound. The Radiologist says that nothing is wrong. So I am told that nothing is wrong, the pain goes away but not the bump, life goes on. Months later it starts to hurt again. The bump is still there, pulsing away. My throat does not look right to me. Since I have been told that there is nothing wrong with my Carotids, I now fear that I might have throat cancer which runs in my mothers family. Again I go to my family doctor, who sends to to two different specialists. I tell them how I feel and that I can feel a bump that I think is my Carotid artery pulsing. Ultrasounds and Ct scans are done. I am told that I dont have cancer, there is nothing wrong with my Carotids, and that what I feel must be swollen salivary glands. Again the pain eventually goes away and life goes on. Then I have the procedure to fix my swallowing.

The reason my thoat did not look right to me was because the aneurism was the size of a ping pong ball and was pushing things out of it's way. Now how did all the doctors I saw mis it. Who knows? Needless to say I am smoking mad about the whole thing. If someone had taken me serious about what I felt, the strokes would not have needed to happen. If someone at the hospital would have listened, all I went though and still am might have been less.

I would have been better off to stroke at the grocery store, a layperson could have figured out I was having a stroke. Instead I get a bunch of "professionals" that know to much to listen to me.

I know I have to try and get over the anger. But it is tough. Almost every minute of every day I am reminded of them. When my shoulder hurts so bad I can hardly stand it, I think of them. When I cant fall asleep at night because my leg is hurting and tingling so bad, I think of them. When my neck cramps so bad I get a withering headache, I think of them. When my part of me is burning, and part is freezing, I think of them. When I shower and cant feel the water on my my neck, I think of them. I hurt and I blame them. It's hard to get over being angry.

This is why my wife put me on to this site. So that I can chat with others who can relate to what I'm going though. It's nice to write this out, even if nobody reads it.

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justsurviving

Although our situations are not identical, I can relate to you. I had pain in my neck and weakness on one side of my body. The doctor reading the CT scan claimed all was well. I stroked 2 days later at 34 years of age - top of my health. I am still bitter 16 months later and I need to figure out a way to work through this or get over it because it isn't healthy for either one of us. <_<

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dstraugh

Yes, it does stink what we have to go through for whatever reason we're here. But, since we cannot change the past, even if we never were struck by the stroke demon, we've got to find a way to "cope" with what we have. Personally, I get tired of only having one side that works but I'd rather be here fighting my body than the alternative :) Some days are easier than others but at least I'm here for the good ones.

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bstockman

My symptoms were so mild.. not really stroke symptoms... until the morning i woke up with the stroke happening. My Dr almost missed it to. Was thinking bad sinus infection and vertigo.. After tapping my knee with the little hammer.. my knee hyper extended and i almost kicked him in the face. He decided to "be safe" and sent me for an MRI where they found a clot in my brain.

 

I would be angry also in your situation, I don't know what you can do.. it sometimes is very hard to prove negligence. You could try taking your MRI's and CAT scans to a neurologist who specializes in strokes.. for a second opinion, you could try to talk to an attorney, but sometimes medical cases are hard to prove.

 

You could also try some counseling to help work through this angerr so you can move forward.

 

 

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Dickons

I think everyone on this board can relate in some way to the anger you are feeling. I am sorry that you have to go through it, but this group is a really good place to be at, as you have a lot of people here to support you. Writing is a great first start.

 

I have found that I have a choice in how I feel, and I choose to find the lesson that always comes out of a tragic happening. It has taken me many years to learn how to shut the anger down before it takes over, because anger is not worth the stress it causes.

 

Anger will consume you or you can find ways to let it go, every person will have to find their own way through the anger. Letting the anger go will allow you to be more empathetic to other peoples life struggles, allow you to treasure the life you have, with the people who love you and are supporting you through this new phase of your life.

 

There is no magic cure, just keep trying to find the right way for you, if you falter, get back up and try again. Don't waste lifes wonderful moments because of anger or you will find you don't have any wonderful moments to enjoy.

 

If I could send you my peace I would, I wish you the best in your quest.

 

Kind regards,

Dickons

 

 

 

 

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HostAsha

Hey Al:

 

welcome to our blogworld, I ditto Dickons thoughts about anger, I too stroked at 34 though in 2002 I had TIA after miscarriage and that doctor would not listen to my complaints & told me I am imaging things, he was following MS path and doing all those tests, though I went to other neurologist who atleast thought it could be TIA but did not send me for right test, and I decided to become pregnant, and everything went wrong in my pregnancy, I was angry for a while, but I realize by doing tht I am not enjoying my present and my new me, I stil have lot to be thankful about, So I decide sometimea bad things just happens, and it wil be my attitude towards bad situation will define me as a person, so I have decided not to look behind but rather look ahead, and I am enjoying my life right now with my angel hubby and my kido

 

I follow only few rules

 

1. it could have been worse

2. there are many people far worse off than me

3. this is my hand in life and I am going to play best I can and make myself and my family proud

 

 

 

lots of love

Asha

 

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Al2006

Thank you all for your feed back. I know I have to get over this. I do just sit and look at the sunsets now. I take walks in the park. Lay in bed and think how lucky I am.

I keep thinking of a time not long ago that I was feeling sorry for myself, complaining to my wife over dinner at Red Lobster. In walks a boy about 6 years old. He was apparently born with a crippling disease. Just a happy go lucky kid. And here I am complaining. That made me feel shallow.

I have talked to a Lawyer about what happened to me. Ohio has low caps on malpractice. And he says that there was no foul if I'm better. It does not matter what they did if I got better. And you have to prove that if they had done something, would I really have done better. Cant dwell on that, it angers me too.

But I had a good day today, a good day yesterday, and maybe a good day tomorrow.

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