Can't sleep...
Got online to whine and vent, normally where I go... This divorce is tough. Why does it have to come with so many highs and lows? During the day I'm fine, and as night comes, it gets pretty painful.
My dog Lily doesn't know how to hug. Sometimes a teddy bear works, but rarely can it take the place of a warm, loving, husband. The anti-anxiety pills work sometimes, but not tonight...
How do you jump this big hurdle without him? So many memories and he acts like they never happened. I can see him by my side in the hospital hoping I wouldn't die. Most times I wasn't even awake, but I knew he was there. The first words I said from my coma were, "I love you"...
Seven years with this man, and now nothing... I had a miscarriage with him on Election Day, wanted to finally be a Mom, that was about 4 years ago. All the moments, whether good or bad... I felt a part of his family, like I really belonged, and now those are distant memories.
How will I get through the holidays? There's only my Mom in town. The rest are out of state... It felt good to be loved.. I hope I can love again someday.. My grandparents have all passed. I miss the big holiday gatherings.
I had to discuss a few things with him tonight on the phone. Once again I stuck my foot in my mouth. I asked if he missed me. He said "A little". How could a man that I loved be so cold???
There's no chance of him coming back. I need to say my prayers and go to bed. Goodnight all...
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