Time's Toll
I know it's a combination of genes, lifestyle, and stress. Last week at the doctor's one of my arm's blood pressure read 150/100. I don't think that was correct since it was taken over a shirt. The other arm did read too high though - 132/83 I believe.
Sunday I didn't feel well. I felt much like I have in the past when my blood sugar took a dive. I ate a little slice of a fruit bread then took my blood sugar about 15 minutes later. 234. That can't be right, I'll take it again. 270. Now I know it can't be right so I won't do that anymore. Later in the evening I took it and it was 119. By yesterday it was back down in the 90's where it usually is. This morning it was 94.
Took my blood pressure in both arms.......123/83 in the left arm 98/78 in the right arm. I don't trust the cuff much, but at least it isn't high. I'll take it.
I've been gathering Bill's medical records for documentation for the Extraordinary Injury Fund for the Zyprexa lawsuit. 14 different records. So far nearly 2000 pages. Yesterday I called the law firm to get a shipping address. I was met with dead silence and the (presumably) legal aid said "You are sending us nearly 2000 pages? You don't need to do that. Just send us documentation showing his medical condition." That started the stress. In February I'd been told to send it all. Send anything I could get and they would sort through it. It is our responsibility to get the records now. The reason for my call had been the expense surrounding getting the information. I had been told then to call back if I felt it would be too much of a burden and they would take care of it. In addition, they would not talk with me initially because they "don't have a POA for me". I sent this several months ago, and in Frebruary the paralegal spoke with me. Yesterday though, no such thing existed. I asked where to send the POA - again - and was told I could fax it to a telephone number. I asked to whose attention and was told I wouldn't need that, just send it and it would go to the right person. Thousands of cases through a gigantic law firm and I'm supposed to nonchalantly fax a POA to just anybody and they would find the correct person. Unbelievable....Stress....
I was told last week I could pick up the records from the outpatient rehab facility yesterday. After being told exactly what it entailed on their end to get the records. On Friday I explained I was aware of what she needed to do, however, it had been nearly a month since I'd requested the records and was waiting for just 3 faciities to return my request. She would take care of it that afternoon and they'd be ready Monday afternoon. Yesterday afternoon I went to the rehab and was told by the receptionist - she's always the one in the middle - that the woman in Medical Records said she'd explained what the procedure would be to get the records and she hadn't been able to get to them yet. That was the last straw. I felt my blood pressure rise. I had to sign the same form I had signed a month ago for these records. Dee was confused and apologetic. I was furious.
I knew it was bad. I had indigestion. My head was swimming. I went to the drug store. Left arm pressure cuff.....159/100....152/98....139/83............The stress is getting to me and I can't let it. Easy words, and I'm supposed to have a program of serenity..."How Important Is It?" "One Day At a Time" "Let Go and Let God" "Serenity" Accept that which I can't change, courage to change the things I can and the WISDOM to know the difference. You'd think I would know by now I can't change a thing about the speed at which these medical faciities work. I should KNOW it. Once again, I expected someone would do what they said, yet when the time came their story changed completely from "I'll do it this afternoon" to "I told her what the process is".
Interestingly enough, I also sorted through Moses Cone's 1100 pages looking for the hospital records from his Wesley Long hospitalization in October 2004 which led to his transfer to Moses Cone. There are no records. There were no records in the packet I received from Wesley Long, either. When I called to enquire about the whereabouts I was told I'd get a call back, but that hasn't come yet. That leads me down yet another path. I have long held that had Bill been admitted that night from ER instead of being sent home because he was "an uncooperative patient" his initial outcome may have been different. Why are those the records missing? So, today I will make that phone call to once again inquire about when we can expect them.
Anyway, this thing about accept what I can't change - that's the Medical Records personnel, and the little guy on the phone from the law firm - Change what I can - that's ME...get the exercise I've been thinking I've GOT to get, continue to watch the diet to keep loosing the weight I'v accumulated, using my head to understand the difference between what I want and what I get are often two different things. I can have realistic expectations, I can be frustrated when people don't follow through with what they've said they will do, however I really don't have any control over the situation.
This really has been a very sobering experience for me though. This is only two years past Bill's last stroke. I haven't "gone through" any more than many, many other caregivers on this site. I've been aware of the physical dangers caregivers face as a result of neglecting our needs which are often "invisible" to others in lieu of the very obvious needs of that person for which we care. However, I've chosen to ignore the suggestions others have made, instead feeling I'm somehow different. Believe me, we really are all the same. At some point in time, unless we do take care of ourselves the responsibility of caring for someone else's needs 24/7/365 will catch up with us.
And so, I will take it easy for the next two weeks. I will try not to get stressed. I will roll with the punches. I'll get those danged records out of our car and off to Texas, then that part of this whole thing will be over. I'll call Wesley Long and make one more inquiry about those missing records, but I'll not hold the rest of the records for that one hospitalization since the stroke is well-documented elsewhere. Then it will rest. Then, on May 1st I'll have the physical I've missed for a year and talk to the doctor about stress, high blood pressure and frustration. I'll also continue working on that emercency care plan for Bill's needs.
I'm really ready for an upbeat, happy, funfilled blog. This isn't much fun.
6 Comments
Recommended Comments