well meaning people
There are a lot of well meaning people in my life. They come from all walks of life and from just about every period in my life. They may be friends of long standing or more recent friends. Some are maybe more in the casual acquaintance category but in the past those have sometimes turned into friends too, so I don't as a rule categorise them. They are all friends to me.
I am one of those people who encourages others to voice an opinion. I do so here on my blog and in chat. I allow for people's ignorance of all of the facts and as much as their answer complies with my thoughts on the subject I am happy to say; "Sure, that is worth a try." I then consider how this will fit in with the strategies I am using and then give it a go.
There are people here like Annie, Babs, Sarah, Jean and a lot of others who are in similar situations to what I am. They have husbands/partners who have had multiple strokes, who's conditions have maybe been better than they are now, and who get an uncomfortable feeling when they look too far into the future. I value their advice above a lot of others as I know they know what caring is all about. Others show sympathy, encouragement, hope in what they write and I am really glad to have their comments too. Still others offer a friendship based on mutual trust and caring and that is good as well. I am very blessed by you all.
In the past week I have noticed that a lot of my friends, acquaintances etc in real time want to give me well meaning advice. The crux of this is often: "In order to save yourself you need to put Ray into a home. " It may be worded so sweetly and couched in flowery phrases but the bottom line is just that. This is very contrary to my feelings on the matter.
I do not want to put Ray into a hostel or nursing home. I want some advice on little steps to take so I will feel comfortable with the way things are and be able to cope again. I know this might be just for a short time but the longer we are together and I can keep Ray in his own home the better. I find it hard sometimes not to be angry at what the well meaning friends say. But it is their view on what they see as the problem and as long as I do think they understand at least some of the situation I need to listen and pick out the pieces of advice that I can implement.
A friend of long standing said to me today:"I know you don't take advice well." She is wrong, I do take advice. I look at all the angles of what needs doing and I eventually decide how I can do it. I can't see that any of us do anything different to that. Listen, learn , assimilate. Am I right here?
We all live in a bubble of our own making. Sometimes we park those bubbles side by side and speak to each other. We communicate in whatever way we can our thoughts, hopes, dreams and aspirations. We do it in conversation, in chat and in a more obscure way, in our blogs. I am not saying to you straight out:"I am losing it. I am going mad. Ray has to go." That might be the truth for a moment or two but the next minute after that I might say."Look, he's sleeping now, I'll put my feet up. It is okay, I can cope for now." That is the way life is, it is not like a solid Easter egg, chocolate all the way through, it is more like Forrest Gump's "box of chocolates"...
So I need to say to myself, let it all flow, take it easy, let time take care of your worries, keep on keeping on, take some time for yourself. You have all given me this advice at one time or another and I am really grateful for it. The wisest words are often the most trite, those sayings that seem to be overused are that way because they are wise words. Wisdom is just common sense in a more poetic form.
It is coming up for eight years since the first of Ray's major strokes, 19th April, 1999, the day life changed forever for me. Maybe that is why I am a bit bristly and uncomfortable with life, why I am at odds with what I say and how I feel. This too will pass.
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