growing up
Well I finished school on May 30th. I graduated on June 7th. Everyone was so happy for me . I was very happy atfirst but after hearing everyone say this is the beginning and not the end I am kind of scared. Atfirst I was so happy I am about to be 18. I've been waiting so long to finally be all grown up. Then it hit me...I started to cry. I still feel like Im 12 years old. I should be out driving around, working daily, club hopping nightly. But Im still laying in bed at my laptop and the only people I communicate with who are not online is my cousin I've known all my life and my friend I've known since my stroke. It feels like nothing has changed. I just finished 4 years of high school. Instad of looking back and reminiscing about going out with friends, hanging out at football games, and signing yearbooks, I can only remember sitting in the bathrooms at lunch, suicide attempts, those many days I waited for the slow elevators facing the metal doors so no one could see my face. It hurts. I should be celebrating this milestone not dwelling on it. I am now given a second chance...college. I wonder will college be a repeat of high school or the complete opposite? How will I celebrate my birthday on Thursday...Going out having fun and looking to my future or sitting at home depressed wondering why I still cant see on my left side open my hand or wear sandals and skirts in the summertime? I choose the latter.
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