Black n Gold - a religion!
Yes, you read the heading correctly. That's what a banner showed today during the Steeler defeat of 49ers 37-16. Steeler fans bleed black n gold I do believe. We're now 3-0. Taking on AZ Cardinals next Sunday. My dear brother is going out to Phoenix with a huge group of guys ( they go away to a game each year). If we were still living there, he was going to have extra tickets and take Kristi and I. That's ok though...I would not want to go back in time to being there. I'll sit in my livingroom and swing my terrible towel while scaring Crystal with my whoops and whahooos .
A post this week by a member got me thinking...am I a terrible daughter cos I left AZ with my child and maybe call there one time per week? There are times that I wish things could have been different between us not only post stroke but pre stroke. Of course that's my perspective and her ex-sister-in-law's perspective (my Auntie-dearest).
We cannot change the past, we cannot undo the wrongs from our parents. I cannot create the loving parent my mother "thinks" she is and tells everyone she is and has been. Again, that's cos I can't change the past. It is sad that I have learned so much about the lies and deception that have prevailed over the years - things I would love to reveal that I know - but there would be massive denial.
I am happy that I have stopped that cycle between my daughter and I that is for sure - but have I totally? What other ramifications of the stroke are waiting to strike out at me as the years go by. As I was writing this, Kristi came and was reading over my shoulder. She's told me not to worry. I had a mini-meltdown - I do not want to be my mother or even her mother. Kristi told me she will love me no matter what, but I'm still concerned. That's the future, which we have no control over.
I can only continue my prayers that the cycle remains broken...or....if I do become her...I'm taken from this world so my daughter only has good memories of me.
5 Comments
Recommended Comments