Sad Day Mom going to Nursing Home
It's been months since I entered anything in my blog but I need to today. Yesterday my Dad put my Mom in a ursing home. She also is a stroke survivor. Not massive strokes but enough that it has impaired her and after a fall that broke her arm several years ago her health has declined. Most days she just lays around. She used to be such a vibrant woman, directed a Sweet Adeline Chorus and sang in a quartet. She kept a beautiful house and always dressed nice, got her nails and hair done. My Dad has spent the last several years being her caretaker and finally hiring their next door neighbor to help out a year ago. He is 81 Mom is 78 and my Dad works 4 nites a week from midnight to 7 am so she is alone all night. Also he plays golf two days a week and bowls one nite a week. He does all of the house work, laundry, cooking and everything else Mom used to do. He has talked some before about the possibility of Mom going into a nursing home when he can't take care of her anymore. Mom is a true homebody, loves her home, her dog and her things so this is devastating toher. They live in Florida and I live in Tennessee. She was in the hospital last year for 12 weeks with pnuemonia, was on a ventilator then a trach and finally came home. Last week she had a spell where she was eating breakfast and he thought she was going to sleep and asked her if she thought she needed to go to the hospital and she said yes. She has some dementia but still is very sharp and you cannot put anything past her. Anyways Daddy called the paramedics and she went tot he hospital. My Dad spent quite a bit of time talking to her doctor and they both agreed it was time for Mom to go into a nursing home. My Dad can hardly take care of her anymore. After he comes in from work at 7 am he sleeps till about 2 pm so Mom is really by herself most of the time. Mly sister and I have worried about her safety for a long time. But I am so distraught over this. I have cried all day long. My husband, George, who I am his caregiver and he has Aphasia has watched me cry all day and I have talked tohim and I have thought about seeing if my parents want to move in with us and I can take care of her too and Daddy could quit work. But, I know my Dad and he doesn't want to leave Florida and come up here where it is colder. He has lived in FL for 51 years. And everyone else thinks it would be too much on me to take care of George and my Mom. Plus I work full time at home and we would have to sell this house and get a house with a separate apartment like place for my parents. My sister and I told our Dad we would support him but I feel so awful for my Mom that I have mixed feelings about my support for my Dad. My sister and I both know that it is killing Daddy to take care of her like he does because he IS 81, and works so much. We have noticed lately that he has been at his last ropes and was just about to go over the edge. He and my Mom constantly bicker with each other ( a lifetime of bickering!!) and he gets frustrated with her because she has basically given up. Now that she is in the nursing home she keeps asking when she is going home. Daddy tells her he doesn't know when that he can't take care of her now. This has just made me feel sick. I know how much Mom likes to be at home and how lonely and scared she will be at the nursing home and she will never adjust to it. She doesn't have complete dementia although it is gettng worse all of the time so she is aware that she is not going home now. And she is Mad as Hell. I don't want to make my Dad feel guilty because he HAS taken such good care of her for so long and he knows that he has reached his limit but I feel so sad for my Mom and I want to fix it!!! George can't really talk too much to me although he has said we could have them move here but it would be very hard on me taking care of both and working full time and I really can't afford to quit work because I need the insurance for George and me. It is the worst dilemna I have ever been in and I just had to write my feelings down. I hope someone will read this who has been through this before with their parents and maybe can give me some peace about it.
sadly,
Wendie
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