Time for everyone to grow up
I'M HAVING A REALLY CRUMMY DAY SO RATHER THAN SIT AND THINK AND CRY UNTIL I'M ALL CRIED OUT AND STILL REALLY IN THE SAME SPOT. i THOUGHT I'D TRY WHAT I'D DO PRESTROKE. IT WORKED WITH TWO HANDS AT FULL SPEED, WHO KNOWS? IF NOTHING ELSE IT WILL ENABLE ME FOCUS ON WRITING IT FOR A WHILE WHICH IS A GOOD DIVERSION AND I GUESS SOMEWHAT THE POINT. WHEN I HAD KIDS I VOWED I WOULD NOT BE STIFLINGLY OVERPROTECTIVE AS MY MOTHER IS AND I WOULD TRY TO RAISE THEM TO BE STRONG INDEPENDENT ADULTS. WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER SHE HAD A HARD TIME COMPREHENDING HOW I COULD BE SO COLD AS TO LET GO WHEN I WAS TEACHING THEM TO RIDE THEIR BIKES BECAUSE THEY MIGHT FALL. HOW ELSE DO YOU LEARN? A BOO BOO ON A KNEE HEALS, LIVING LIFE IN FEAR RARELY DOES. I STRUGGLED FOR MANY YEARS TO GET BEYOND THE CONDITIONED APPREHENSIONS AND AS I SAID I SWORE I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO MY KIDS.
SO LAST NIGHT AS I PUT MY 15 YEAR-OLD SON,MARC ON A PLANE TO FRANCE MAYBE I GET IT. MAYBE AS LONG AS I'M FEARFUL, I'LL LOOK TO HER FOR SECURITY. BUT I THINK I GOT IT AS HE LEFT AND I SAW NOT A MOMENT OF HESITATION. I KNEW IN 2 YEARS HE'LL JUST AS EASILY LEAVE FOR COLLEGE AND IN ALL HONESTY IT SCARED ME MORE THAN STARING DEATH IN THE FACE THAT MAYBE HE'LL NEVER LOOK BACK. FOR ALL THE YEARS I RESENTED HOW MY MOTHER TRIED TO CONTROL ME WITH GUILT, I UNDERSTOOD A BIT BETTER. YESTERDAY WAS THE FIRST OF THE MAJOR APRON STRINGS I CUT, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE BOTH OF THEM AROUND AND NEVER HAVE THEM LEAVE, BUT THAT WOULD BE VERY SELFISH AND UNFAIR TO THEM. I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT SO I'LL CONTINUE TO CUT THE STRINGS AND HOPE THEY REMEMBER ME.
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