Finally a working bed!
Larry has been in the SNF since 5/13, and from then until now he's been in a bed that's unsafe (the wheels do not lock, so transferring is very dangerous). Today, finally, we got a bed that works. Actually, the first bed the gave us this morning did not work - only the foot would raise, not the head - by by afternoon they found a bed that seems to work, and I guess I can cross that off my worry list. Stephen Hawking should do a study on nursing home time, becuase it is definitely a whole different continuum from what we are used to in the "real" world - nothing ever happens fast, that is for sure!
I was also able to get Larry's urology consultation set for June 11th, to find out why he could pee on his own at first, then not, then could, and now can't again. He's on antibiotics right now for a low-grade bladder infection and they want that to clear up first, so that's the earliest date that I could get. Unfortuantely the insurance doesn't cover the cost of transportation to the doctor's office, and since Larry's in a wheelchair I will need to hire someone at a cost of probably around $200. The visit itself is $10. What a joke! All the same, he needs the consult and the money has to take a back seat (so to speak). I'm checking into lower cost programs, and sent out some feelers today, so maybe I will find a better solution. Either way at least he will get to see the specialist.
Larry was very agitated today because I could not understand what he was trying to tell me. This is so distressing for both of us. I told him that he can't "yell" at me, which is what if feels like he's doing - I'm doing everything I can to help, and when he yells at me it makes me feel terrible. I feel as though all he has to do is lay there and recover - or not - and I have to do everything else. I am fairly angry about that, although I certainly understand that it's not his fault. I'm really beat - I work all day just taking care of Larry, and the household, and the paperwork - what is going to happen when I have to return to work on 6/2? I can't even think about it, but as with everything else when you have to find a way to make it work you do. Really struggling with these resentment feelings (I liked my old life a lot!), and not sure how to handle them...I'm sure every caregiver has had these same thoughts, but they sure do contrast with the "Angel Florence Nightingale" selfless image that I had of myself caring for Larry (how pathetic is that!).
Well, we got through another day. Ups and downs, dysfunctions, tears and anguish, but we made it. Tomorrow we'll try again, and hopefully do better.
xxxoo
-Janine
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