As person with a mum in the end times of Alzheimers and a husband in the early stages of dementia I sometimes think I am going mad myself. This morning I was the other kind of mad, cranky as all get out.

Ray and I get up at 7am, he goes to use the toilet, he comes out, I shower him and help him dress, we have breakfast etc. On the days he doesn't have a shower nurse come this is our routine, on the days he does have the shower nurse he has pull-up trousers on and gets dressed in clean clothes after his shower. This morning for some reason Ray turned off the alarm and went back to sleep. I slept on oblivious to the passing of time and woke up with a start at 7.55am. I got Ray out of bed and he went off to the toilet. I knew we were okay for time as our shower nurse on Thursdays comes at 9.15am so we have plenty of time. Not so! At that moment there was a loud banging on the front door. I answered it in my night attire and there stood a lady in uniform who said: "Hello Mrs W, I am XXX and I am here to shower Ray. ARRGGHH!!

I said: "Oh no you are not." Actually what I said was not as polite and lady-like as that but in the end I did let her shower Ray as he began undressing as he does when the shower nurse arrives so there was no point in stopping her. As soon as the Nursing Services's office staff were there I phoned them and they got my honest opinion of their service etc. Of course it was "all a huge mistake and we are so terribly sorry" which is always their standard reply. Hey! they know I will pay for the service, they will make me promises and that will be that.

I don't think our service providers have any idea that it is routine that helps us through each day. To a lot of them we are just names on a page. Mr S 8am, Mr W 9am, Mrs T 10am. We are not Sam and Jill, Sue and Ray, Grace and George. We are not real people, we are a "breakfast" a "shower" or a "trip to the podiatrist", we are just a job. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are carers and care recipients, the carers trying, with a little help to keep the one they love at home for a few more days, weeks or years. And a change of routine puts us under more stress and stress kills.

That kinda spoilt my whole day. I had planned to visit mum alone in the hour while the shower nurse was supposed to be here, then come home and take Ray to do some shopping before our luncheon date. That didn't happen so I took Ray with me to visit Mum. Most of the ladies were sleeping although one of the aides was attempting to entertain them. Mum was making a moaning noise, not really distressed but as if she was half-singing. Apparently she does that now. That is the thing with dementia, new behaviour appears all the time.

We didn't get as far as the shops but we did have lunch out which was good. Ray and I enjoyed the company of a handful of the people who still meet together from our old church. One of the over '90s is in respite care, she really should be permanent care though as she is certainly frail and confused. A dear friend had gone and got her so she wouldn't miss our company, which I thought was a kind guesture. He has lost his own mother and adopted this neighbour as a temporary substitute I think.

We talked a lot about the good times we all had together over a period of twenty years so Ray, low on short term memory but okay with some of the past can still join in. They all make a big fuss of Ray which gives him a boost too. I appreciate these kind old friends who have known us for so long and are still willing to share our company today. Old friends who have stuck by us are very precious.

Outside in the carpark I went to get my carkeys out of my pocket and out came a handful of stars and drifted down to the ground. I had swept the star-shaped sequins off the table after craft at Kid's Club yesteday afternoon but everything had been packed away so I was told to throw them into the bin. But my Scottish ancestors screamed out in fright at the idea of such waste so I instead I put them in my pocket.

I told you I was going mad didn't I?